Sharapova Arrested for Breaking and Entering

August 14th, 2009 • maria shutupova, vika azarenka

by Bamilla Celle, special correspondent for Fierce Tennis

NEW YORK — Police today happened upon a strange scene in the Plaza Hotel when tennis ace Maria Sharapova was found breaking and entering into a fellow player’s room.

The victim, 20 year old tennis player Victoria Azarenka, was asleep when Miss Sharapova forced her way into the 20th floor suite. Upon hearing an angered grunt, Miss Azarenka quickly phoned hotel security, who in turn phoned the New York City Police. However, instead of finding an intruder, they found something much more disturbing.

According to police reports and eyewitness accounts, Miss Sharapova was found in tears, angrily tearing apart what looked to be some kind of headgear while muttering, “She can’t have this. She can’t have this! It should only belong to me.” Strewn across the room were various headbands that she brought with her.

One witness tells us, “It was dreadful. I was awoken when I heard banging outside my door. When I opened it, I saw the police quickly rush into the room across the hall and drag out a woman foaming at the mouth with some kind of cloth tied around her head. I had no idea it was Maria Sharapova until somebody told me. I must say, she looks far better without my glasses on.”

A source close to Sharapova informed us that she had been dumped from a long term relationship and was jealous of the headbands that Miss Azarenka had been sporting during the French Open.

“She tried to forget about the headbands. She tried visors, baseball caps, everything. But nothing worked. She just had to have that headband. It was painful to watch her go through it.”

Eventually, she donned her own headband, but was still displeased with the results.

“When she saw Victoria wearing that headband, she thought that they would bring her ex back to her. But, when it didn’t work, she started becoming obsessed. I think she had this delusion in her mind that her ex and Victoria were involved, somehow!”

When questioned, Miss Azarenka simply stated, “She jealous that I am hot one, no?” and went back to bed.

While it is unlikely that Sharapova will face imprisonment for her actions, this could have a profound effect on her endorsements. Her status in the US Open is unknown at this time.

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