Today’s Preview: Russian Slayer x Danish Cutie

September 9th, 2009 • caro the danish cutie, melanie oudin new goat

Tomorrow, at 7 pm, on the largest tennis stadium of the world, the official Cinderella of this year’s U.S. Open will play the most hated cutie ever, Caro Wozniacki. Why would anyone hate that little piece of Scandinavian sunshine, you ask? Because according to the brainless ballbashers fans, Caro, and even new GOAT Oudin, are “pushers”. You don’t know what pushers are? It’s ok. Let the source of all online knowledge, Wikipedia, enlighten you:

In tennis, a pusher is a player who “pushes” back any shot they can chase down, without deliberately hitting a winner. This style of play, likened to a “human backboard”, often tires and frustrates more skilled opponents.

What does this mean? It means that if a player is a retriever and prefers to build the point before finally going for the kill — she’s a pusher. If your opponent is an idiot that goes for the winner in every ball and often makes tons of mistakes, you know what you should do? Go for the winner too! Why would you want to simply put the ball in play and win easily? Where would the fun in tennis be, Miss Pusher? Inconsistency and risky balls, that’s all that tennis is about! … No? Well, then, let’s continue on the wiki article. There are some very interest information on how pushers are in their natural habitat, the tennis court and how to deal with these creatures.

First, players try to never let the pusher see them frustrated. A pusher’s mental game is very important to them, and an opponent who is obviously tired and angry will make them more confident. Players need to stay calm and focused to outlast and beat pushers. In a similar vein, pushers will often complain loudly to themselves when losing, occasionally with the intent of rattling their opponent

So, little useless headcase Caro that manages to always lose important Slam matches like against Dokic at the Australian Open or Jankovic at Wimbledon… she’s just faking it! She’s probably losing on purpose to mess with the players’ heads. Oh, that little smartass! The article continues on to prove said theory.

Some pushers will go to lengths attempting to psychologically abuse their opponents. In order to trip up a player, a pusher may deliberately question the score and line calls; players counter this by clearly denoting their line calls and by loudly and obviously stating the score before each point. Not only will this give the pusher fewer opportunities to act confused, but will also help the player’s case if a referee’s intervention is required.

So, girl in pink shoes with 15-year-old boyfriend? Dork that has never been drunk? Mama’s boy? Adorable sister? Don’t let them trick you! They’re all evil, evil, evil, pushers that are here just to ruin the sport FOREVAH.

For all that’s worth, every tennis fan should cheer for a player whose style pleases them the most. Or, if not for that, for any other reason they like. I like big retrievers and I like counterpunchers, so I’ll just leave her my advice for both Caro and Oudin tomorrow, in a Salt-n-Pepa cover style:

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