This week in bitchiness

August 2nd, 2009 • 2 comments bb safina, can't hear your grunt well enough de brito, demented, jj, larcher de "louder pls, maria shutupova, marion bartoli, sabine sparkles, williamses

Stanford has been really good. If not by the matches, then at least for the interviews and loltastic statements given by the players. Everyone knows that one of the biggest differences between the WTA and the ATP is the SASS. The girls are just better at bringing some of the off-court drama to the court and being oh-so-bitter losers. Thank goodness for that, eh?

This week, it all started with Bartoli answering the question of who she’d rather play: Lisicki or JJ. She said Jankovic, “I always beat her”, for leading their head-to-head 3-0 at the time.

Former number one, JJ, who really didn’t take that one lightly, said:

“She talks like she’s just Serena Williams. Everybody had a right to say what she wants. I’m not really focused on Bartoli. She’s not like my biggest rival or someone I look up to or I’m scared of. She’s just one of the players on tour, not a big name, or someone who is making the big results or headlines in the game.”

Of course JJ would lose after that, even wasting two match points. Way to prove a point, Jay. And to create some more drama, let’s just say Jelena’s first statement meant she was calling Serena an arrogant b*tch as well. So, still, not satisfied with having attacked both Serena and Fatty, JJ… kept her mouth opened.

“To be number one, you should be complete and if you are number one you have to be beating the Williams sisters. I’m one of the rare players who has a positive record against the Williams sisters”

So this leaves JJ’s list of “Players I trash talked to this week” like this: Dinara Safina, Serena Williams and Jelena Jankovic. I wonder if she can still release a statement until Monday to say Sharapova is not really Russian or that Larcher de Brito‘s grunts should be banned. You know, just to make it longer.

After that lenghty list, Bartoli intimidated seeing Jankovic steal her Stanford’s SASSIEST MOUTH spotlight. She decided to trash… Lena. Yes, Loser-of-the-Week Lena. These were Bartoli words about her expectations regarding today’s final against Venus:

“My first goal tomorrow is not to lose 6-0 6-1″

For the sake of it, I hope she gets double bagelled just so Lena can come out and say “OH LOL TOO BAD”.

And just because I think this is the perfect time to bring up this wonderful macro, here it goes:

Dina is cute (no, seriously, that's what this post is about)

July 2nd, 2009 • 1 comment bb safina, bepa z., pavs, tennis players are fashionists too

I think if we ignore the outcome of her semifinal, we can watch her presser and squee about how cute Dina looks. I believe it’s a given she looks better off-court: smiley, non-sweaty, etc. And I quite like her hair up like that, she looks pretty.

Still on the subject of cute (but oh so awkward) Russian girls:

Pavs and Bepa Z on Life magazine. O wut. You might want to check out the link if you’re interested in a very random group of tennis players in ridiculous poses. I know I was.

Lena-Serena — no witty titles

July 2nd, 2009 • 2 comments bb safina, caro the danish cutie, demented, williamses

I wasn’t going to post. I didn’t think I had anything interesting to say and I thought writing about the match would be a little too painful for me. You see, next year, it will be ten years I’ve been a fan of Elena Dementieva. Which is perfectly common between her fans — we’re loyal as fuck lunatics. That’s just how we roll, duuude. So seeing my Lena so close (match point close) of winning such an epic match (longest ladies semis at Wimby ever) to make the Wimbledon finals… kinda breaks my heart. But I’ll he honest, before the match, I had very low expectations for Lena. I thought it would be two easy for Serena. Seeing her take that first set left me on my feet, screaming at the TV. It was three hours of pure emotion: there was excitement, happiness, pride, tears, sweat, disappointment — all watching a tennis match.

Well, I think only by playing these kind of matches you can improve, you know, because this is the players that I want to beat, to win a Grand Slam.

I’m proud of her, I really am. I felt like chatting up a random stranger today and saying “My girl is a fighter, innit?” or something of that kind. I think this match is not a victory for tennis only, but a victory for women’s tennis. I’m tired as hell of listening how women’s tennis has no depth, how women don’t deserve equal pay and about “the number one position”. I don’t know from where people got the idea that one to three people dominating the sport is what it’s good. I like women’s tennis how it is, tyvm. You have a lot of youngsters coming up challenging the experienced players. You have drama. And after all, you have some amazing tennis — like this one. People just like to criticize the WTA, I think that is the problem. All the girls are either brainless ballbashers (like Dina) or moonballers (like Caro). These people can go watch Karlovic-Roddick on grass for all I care.

And I think if you play very aggressive, if you play ‑‑ you know, believe in your heart you can do it, because today was a very close match.

The match was a thriller. It was a thriller for people that don’t even watch the sport. Even ESPN is replaying the match at 8:00 PM EDT. The first time a tennis match is being replayed on ESPN and not on ESPN Classic. I think, in the end, in INSTANT CLASSICS like this one, you need to give two steps back from being a tennis fan. Forget who you’re cheering for, enjoy the sport. It will give you a smaller heartbreak, I promise. And in the final? I’ll be cheering for Serena. Even though that will probably make Dina look like an even bigger incompetent at this point. *sigh*

So this is the real game, and this is what I like about tennis. So to play against best players in the world, this is what makes it so interesting for me.

To fighters. And to learning how to serve.

(quotes from Lena’s presser)

Wimbledon says “Go Make Me a Sandwich, Bitch!”*

June 29th, 2009 • 7 comments baby mario, bb safina, bepa z., caro the danish cutie, demented, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, kuzzy, radek sexynek, sorana banana, vika azarenka, virginie razzano, williamses

*This was written by a good friend of mine, Ivy. I told her if she wrote an article blasting the sexism regarding Wimbledon organizers (admitted by them), I’d gladly post it here. So there you go, enjoy the read.

Hey, remember in 2005, when there was all that controversy about Wimbledon refusing to pay equal prize money to men and women? And then we all LOL’ed when the women’s final was longer than the men’s final?

Yes, quite a few of the arguments were legit. Women DON’T play 5-sets and MAY not have the depth of the men’s draw (But seriously? Andy Roddick made slam finals. UR POINT IS MOOT. LOL). But that’s not the point. Equal prize money is a principle, validating men and women as equals. Because here’s the truth: women work just as hard as men to compete at a professional level, incur the same costs as men on the tour, and bring in just as much tournament revenue through star power as the men. So why not equal prize money?

Then Wimbledon finally acquiesced in 2007 and we all said “Yay! Sexism is over! Whoo Margaret Thatcher!” (Because it’s England, bitches.)

So, imagine my surprise when I noticed that only women deemed “attractive” by the Wimbledon organizers were being put on Centre Court. At first I was like, “Woah, been watching way too many specials on The History Channel about the Kennedy assassination.” But then I realized, Wimbledon is a sexist ponce that deserves to get called out on its shit.

The two big matches that had people (i.e. me) bitching? Caroline Wozniacki [9] vs Maria Kirilenko and Victoria Azarenka [8] vs Sorana Cirstea [28]. Why the bitching?

· Compared to the men’s seeds on CC (with the single exception of Marin Cilic), these girls were seeded too low/didn’t have the accomplishments to play on CC

· On the day that Caro was playing, DEFENDING CHAMPION Venus was playing on Court 1, World No.1 Safina was playing on Court 2, and 2009 French Open Champion Kuznetsova was playing on Court 3.

· On the day that Azarenka was playing, World No.4 and 2008 Wimbledon semifinalist Elena Dementieva was on Court 1, World No.2 and the infamous Serena Williams was on Court 2. FFS, even Zvonereva [7] vs. Razzano [26] were on Court 18, when BOTH women were seeded higher than the Centre Court match.

· Some other fun facts. During the first week, Dinara Safina did not play on Centre Court. Neither did Elena Dementieva nor Svetlana Kuznetsova. Venus played on Centre Court once, and Serena twice (out of three times, which isn’t a huge injustice.)

I guess you could say I was fairly pissed off that people who actually merited CC were not getting it.

a) It’s outrageous that women are judged on their looks and NOT on their merit.

b) It’s outrageous that men are judged on merit but not women.

Seriously? If the “pretty people up front, ugly people in the back” rule applied to the men’s side, Radek Stepanek would be bloody playing underground in the Subway!

I did a little investigative digging (basically, looking at the schedule of play on wimbledon.org) and noticed that on Centre Court and Court 1, the WTA matches: ATP matches ratio was 6:13 and 11:12 respectively. Not only are women getting on the big stage less, but the ones who DO are the ones who look the best, NOT the ones who have earned it.

The icing on top of the cake was when a Wimbledon representative actually CAME OUT and said that looks do matter in determining who gets Centre Court. Thanks, you asshat. My suspicions were confirmed that Wimbledon is not only sexist, but damn stupid as well. Cheers xx

BÁRBARA’S NOTE: I wish this blog had a less stupid name so the article would look less out of place. Sry bb.

Another bump?

June 29th, 2009 • 3 comments bb safina

Someone should lay off the chocolate cake. Just kiiiiidding, Dina. ♥ Ily, you’re adorable. Amazing comeback that was. Keep on winning, number one. If I won’t get my Caro-Vika final, at least get me something Russian.

"I'm not invisible"

June 29th, 2009 • bb safina, caro the danish cutie, momo the sassy french lesbian sex kitten, sabine sparkles, tennis players are rockstars too

“WTF, DUDE?”

Listening to Caro say she’s not invisible with the heavier accent I’ve ever seen come out of her mouth followed by a little pout makes me realize that, in end, they’re all just big kids. ♥ I hope Sabine and her continue to be friends. Because, geez, Danish Cutie looked a lot pissed, complaining to the umpire and all. And Sabine didn’t even move to say sorry or anything like that — she just sat there. Sometimes (and by that, I mean always) you gotta love all the drama in the WTA. Thank you for the entertainment, girls. I really appreciate.

You can download the video of the bump here. Congrats to Sabine in her QFs (even though I want Dina or Momo to win).

Honestly, I don't even know

June 26th, 2009 • 2 comments bb safina, vika azarenka

I realize I already posted my share of Vika pictures of the day. BUT LOLOLOLOL DEAR GOODNESS, VIKA, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING LOLOLOLOL.

Glad I got that out. Move on.

ETA: Vika, I don’t like that whole “shirt that doesn’t fit” thing. Tell that to Dinara too.

Be Still My Heart

June 6th, 2009 • 2 comments bb safina, kuzzy, squeaky shoes ivanovic

This French Open will go down for me personally as the French Open of Heartbreaks. I still can’t get my head around the Rafa loss and this one… “wah” expresses my feelings. I just feel bad for Dinara. You could see she was thinking “yes, this is my turn now” through the deception on her eyes. I’d like to expresss my most sincere congratulations to Kuzzy. She played better and (surprisingly) didn’t choke. Pity about the end… can’t think of a worse way to end a Grand Slam final. Kuzzy was very classy with a very discreet celebration proving she’s a great champion. Well, now I just hope this loss doesn’t frak bb Dina’s head up. Keep on the good play and you will win there someday.

The best part of the final was in the ceremony when Steffi Graff (didn’t she look good in that suit???) presented the trophies. Kuzzy was such a fangirl. She kept talking about how she had never met Steffi before and then continue on rambling “I adore you! You’re great!”. Oh, Kuzzy, you dork, we adore you too.

And that classic picture of the champion in front of the Tour Eiffel? That will have me LOL-ing for all eternity because of the contrast between last year’s and this year’s.

*grins* I love it. Guess which one is my favourite.

Lena can't win matches but she can predict the future (equally as good?)

June 5th, 2009 • bb safina, demented, holy rafa

Tennis-Open-Dementieva’s tip for men’s title? Not Nadal, British Reuters, Sat May 30, 2009 1:48pm BST

After losing 6-3 4-6 6-1 in the third round to Australian Samantha Stosur, Dementieva said she was not fit enough to play on the energy-sapping clay. It seems she thinks Nadal isn’t either.

Asked about Nadal’s chances of clinching a record fifth consecutive French Open title, she said: “Well, he actually looks a little bit tired to me. He doesn’t look like he’s fresh enough.

“I think it’s going to be tough challenge for him to win this time, actually.”

Dude, part of me is like offended Lena didn’t think Rafa was going to win RG. The other part is utterly shocked that she predicted this. Really, sometimes, when Lena is playing, you forget she knows a thing or two about tennis. (P.S. Ily Lena bb ♥)

And onto more interviews with the Rssns, Up close and personal with Dinara Safina:

What do you have on your ipod?

All the latest pop hits

Dina, I think we should be friends. Why don’t you give me a call me someday? We can discuss Kylie’s first American tour and all that jazz. I’ll pretend you didn’t say to the other question that “Broken Strings” by Nelly Furtado and James Morrison is your favourite song at the moment. In my head, you’re buying tickets to see The Saturdays during Wimbledon. I’m coming with you, what do you say? We’ll have a blast.

What is your favourite website?

The Russian Facebook, Vkontakte.ru

There’s a Russian facebook? Anyway can enlighten me? And I don’t know what it says about me that I thought she was going to say AfterEllen or something. Rofl.

When did you last get angry?

Everyday!

You would.

ETA: Because I’m an idiot, Vkontakte.ru is the Russian facebook. I’ll register and see if I can find her account. *has no life whatsoever*

Written on Friday, posted today

May 23rd, 2009 • 2 comments bb safina, caro the danish cutie, demented, holy rafa, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, lena v. always brings the lolz, maria shutupova, the radwanskas, vika azarenka

At the moment I’m in my flight to London with over four hours remaining before we land. As I talked (typed) to myself (yes, I’m this crazy) I decided I should post here and tell you guys about Roland Garros, etc.

I’ll arrive in Paris on Monday the 25th and will be at the stadium at about 2 pm. If there’s wi-fi there, I’ll be doing in-site tweeting. You can follow me @awaltzforanight or simply take a look at the sidebar here every once and a while. I warn that it might be incoherent rambling such as “OMGGGG VIKA AND CARO ARE BEING GIGGLY TOGETHER HEE OMG”. Yes, I’m a proud fangirl. No, I’m not going to be serious unless I’m getting paid (read the blog’s About section). For RG related news, I also recommend the very serious twitter @Roland_Garros.

On Monday, I only have tickets to the external courts, so I’ll try to watch some practice sessions, wave my Brazilian and/or Russian flags at random matches and try to catch some Kiri or any cute choker. Hellz yeah.

I have tickets for all days until Sunday. They’re mostly Chatrier or Lenglen tickets. I’ll be praying to the Lords of Kobol to watch Lena live. Please, tennis Santa, please, I’ve been a nice girl and you already fucked me over with her draw (WHY LENA-CARO AGAIN WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYY).

When there, I want to chat and take a picture with the biggest rockstar in tennis: Mommy Vera Dementieva. And given the opportunity, ask Sharapova why she broke up with Camilla Belle. Gurl, Camilla is dreamy, what’s wrong with you?

If you can’t tell by the excessive capslock (no, come on, I’m not always like that!), I’m really excited for this. I’ve never been to Roland Garros to watch a match, I’ve only visited the stadium and the tenniseum (oh why so pretty) days before the EPIC Failed Cup (at time ‘Fed Cup’) final between Russia and France. With Nastya choking up closing the tie and Dinara and Lena winning the last rubber in the last set. If it was EPIC from my TV, imagine how EPIC it was live… there. When I go to cheer for Russia live, they lose to fucking Argentina. No comments, Russia, NO COMMENTS. I would break up with you if I could.

Well, folks, I have no further things to say from the plane. All I hope is to land soon and post this whenever I get internet.

P.S. Who did Sharapova have to sleep with to get that draw (anyone that answers “Rafa” will be hit with a rock over their head)? And why didn’t Ula sleep with the same person? Idiot!