You know, I’m sure Daniela is a very nice girl. In fact, I’ve heard from from a friend who has interviewed her that she’s a doll. Polite, calm girl. So I ask myself, what is such a nice girl doing ruining people’s lives? Why must she cockblock all epic duos in life? And, most importantly, why does she hate me?

It all started a while ago with the Sports Illustrated shoot with Maria Kirilenko, Tatiana Golovin and The Life Ruiner. I was pretty excited about this line-up. I love Kiri. I love Tati. They both make me laugh when trying to be hot. They make me go ‘LOLLL THIS SPORT U GUISE ♥’ and I like going ‘LOLLL THIS SPORT U GUISE ♥’. I was expecting a picture of them together.

But I got this.

Here, let me show you where it all went wrong:

But I got over that. You know, I’m sure she wasn’t like ‘Hey, let me stand between Kiri and Tati and ruin all possible Russian lolz that could happen to make Fierce Tennis miserable’. Like, she wasn’t, was she?

Time passed. There were other Russian lolz to care about. It was announced, in Stanford, that Sharapova would play doubles with Wicky. That was one big Russian lolz. I was excited. I posted about it. But then Wicky tweeted that Wickypova wouldn’t happen. My heart was broken. What was I supposed to do with my life?

Today the Stanford doubles draw came out. Why should I care? There was no Team Angry Giants. But then something caught my attention, and by something I mean people going ‘OMG!!!!!!!!’ on my Ttwitter timeline. Fierce Tennis‘ official girlcrush, Victoria Azarenka, would play doubles with Kiri. Finally! Another doubles team I could support. And who did they drew on the first round? Wicky (!!!!!) and….. Daniela Hantuchova.

I don’t think I need to get into how epic it would have been Wickypova playing against Vika/Kiri. I’m sure you’ll be able to tell by the amount of weeping I’ve done. Hint: A LOT. Daniela Hantuchova, you’re playing with fire here. Ask Federer how it feels to be on my shit list. Awful, I’ll bet he says. My sources tell him he cries himself to sleep every night because of it. Yeah, girl, I can be a bully.

Vika. In shorts!

“Is that really blog-worthy?”, you might ask. “Yes”, I’d say, “It’s my blog, shut up.”

I love tennis skirts. I even prefer to play in skirts, they look cuter. But when every WTA-er is playing in one… it gets boring. I wonder if it’s a femininity thing. Because the girls are professional athletes, with strong muscles and all, maybe they feel like they get girlier in skirts. If that’s the case: fail, ladies, fail. Most of the time, a fitting pair of short shorts look a lot more feminine and sexier than these loose dresses at the hips they wear.

If you’re a professional tennis player reading this and you’re wondering what to wear next season, let me help you. I imagine the headband is a given. So let’s continue on the shorts — which type suits you best.

Considered one of the sport’s greatest fashion style, Anna K. knew how to wear her shorts.

The belt is what makes the outfit. In both cases, it’s used to complement the bi-colour scheme. Simple, feminine and stylish. Even Elena Dementieva wore a rip-off (+ ridiculously amounts of FAIL) from Yonex.

Another player that was famous for her short-wearing was crazy, crazy Nastya Myskina. When she isn’t on reality shows, making out with girlbands members or riding horses naked… she is wearing shorts! Trufax.

And to finish this (because oh my goodness, it was serious HARD), lovely Daniela Hantuchova and Yanina Wickmayer.

Today’s Lesson: LESS dresses that make you look like you’re pregnant, MORE shorts.

Professional tennis players, feel free to e-mail me for fashion help. It will only cost a small fee. Ty.

Sometimes I think I could do a blog only about the LAWLZ of WTAWorld(now Tennisforum, or whatever)/MTF, but that would be too lurker-y. Even for me. Eh, anyway. Today I saw this thread up there:

If Maria, Ana, Dani and Elena wants to kiss you…

I would probably try letting down Lena nicely (really, Lena, I love you, just not like that) and then be all “Bitch plz!” to the other three. That being said, they should have given different options of Marias and Elenas. Kirilenko? Vesnina? Way better options, dudes.

P.S. I have a friend who thinks Muzzah is hotter than Rafa. She was dropped on her head as a baby, right?