Can you please spell Gabbana?

August 4th, 2010 • demented, tennis players are fashionists too

I’m not used to posting ridiculous photoshoots here. Because, let’s face it, tennis players are athletes and, like most athletes, every time they do a fashion photoshoot, it ends up being the most ridiculous, absurd, hilarious, over-the-top pictures ever. Also: I don’t want to have a weekly JJ column. But this Elena Dementieva shoot…. this Elena Dementieva shoot…. I have no words, really. You know how they say a picture says a thousand a words? I have a feeling these say three millions each and they go like this: ‘LOL LOL LOL LOL (…)’

If I were to comment, I wouldn’t even know where to start. The ‘hair’? The ‘special effects’? The ‘outfits’? Really, I wouldn’t even know how to ‘write’ without putting every single ‘word’ in quotation marks. Are you guys familiar with Girls Aloud‘s No Good Advice music video? Well, they are (/were) a very good girlband and that video is one of their earliest works. When they made that video, they knew nothing about fashion (or common sense, apparently) and their costume designer told them silver was going to be really trendy. It makes me wonder, what did they tell Lena in the shoot? ‘Oh, you know, this what Lady Gaga is all about!’, ‘Big Hair makes you appear really talented — just look at Amy Winehouse‘, ‘Jelena Jankovic would never go for this’ etc?

Poor  Lena fans. Like we don’t go through enough pain thanks to her as it is.

(Never before has my tag for Lena been so appropriate.)

Ladies?

July 30th, 2010 • demented, maria shutupova

If you follow my twitter, you know how the prospect of the Stanford quarterfinals had me staring lovingly at the draw.

The battle of big serves and massive forehands: Samantha Stosur x Yanina Wickmayer
Dear lord, Nike, what were you thinking?: Marion Bartoli x Victoria Azarenka
Cat-and-mouse tennis: Agnieszka Radwanska x Maria Kirilenko
And, of course, the one big Russia mess: Maria Sharapova x Elena Dementieva

Basically, any final that can come out of this that isn’t Bartoli-Sharapova will have me ecstatic. Given the fact the odds are on my side, I am already ecstatic. Gimme gimme gimme.

I recommend everyone to tune in this afternoon to watch some damn good tennis. And, if you like, contact TennisTV to make sure they know they’re asses for not airing the match of the number one seed tonight. How dare they, deny us Sam and Wicky.

Why Elena Dementieva should win a Grand Slam: a list.

July 17th, 2010 • 7 comments demented

(This is a very boring and pointless post — skip ahead if you wish.)

BASICALLY: I was bored. I wanted to post. And bobbychin was the only one to suggest something to go here.

Carry on.

*loses 15 readers*

Always a bridesmaid

June 3rd, 2010 • 3 comments demented, francesca schiavone

The ladies semifinals proved to be quite a bore: a somehow dramatic bore. Like women’s tennis, for all the wrong reasons.

A couple of hours before the semis, I had woken in a cheery mood (yay no classes, yay clay, etc). Part of me, the long time Dementieva fan, was hoping Lena would overcome her apparent injuries and recent lackluster tennis to clinch her first Slam final in 6 years. And then, like in a Lifetime movie, against all odds, she would defeat the favourite in the final to finally take her first major.

No, that wasn’t what happened. Why do you ask?

Things looked stellar for Lena in the beginning. She wasn’t playng her best tennis (like she hasn’t in a while) but neither was Franny. She managed to get a break in the first set at 4-3. But, in a Lena-like fashion, gave the break back right away with a double fault. Still, she looked in control. She was saving break points with aces. She was attacking with her forehand. She was going to take this!!!!, I could feel it.

Set went to tiebreak. And there came Lena getting a minibreak and 2-0 lead. Also gave that away, and there went the set.

In the changeover, we see Franny sitting on her chair, clearly focused. She is one set away of being the first Italian lady in a Slam final in the Open Era. And, boy, does she want it. And then we see Lena stopping in front of her chair, Franny stands and they shake hands.

On the replay, we can see Franny’s face (brilliant stuff, by the way). She is as confused by this as we are. In the presser, she admitted her thoughts at the moment were: ‘Why are you here? Do you need something?’ Are you congratulating me on my tiebreak win? Well, that’s nice. No, what you mean retire? She retired??? What? Me??? In the final?? What?? :D :D :D *goes off to make out with clay court*

Lena later stated on her press conference that she tore her calf muscle on the second round. She said she considered retiring in that marathon against Wozniak in the third round — the match that ended with Lena kneeling on the court, her face between her hands.

Lena is now pulling out of Eastbourne. The injury should take two to four months to heal. Wimbledon is in doubt, just like her streak of 46 consecutive slam appearances.

Tennis: Because toying with your emotions is just that fun.

A bucket of happiness, sunshine, kittens and my bbs winning: the post

May 28th, 2010 • demented, holy rafa, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, sam stosur, yanina wickmayer

Excuse me for a moment — I’m going to act even more biased than I do normally. Because:

ALL THESE LADIES WON. AND IT WAS EPIC.

And, damn, you guys, the matches were all hard (Sam‘s not so much, but for a moment there, when she lost the 1st, I was scared) — all three-setters.

Lena played some spectacular shit tennis and had to come down from a set down and then from a break drown on the 3rd set to defeat CanWoz. When Kiri started serving for the match, we got suicidal but then she ended up snagging the 3rd set 6-4. And Wicky, well, they didn’t have a stream for Wicky but I imagine if it took her 32 games to defeat mommy!Bammer, then it mustn’t have been pretty. Still, a win is a win.

But that wasn’t all. We had BONUS WINNERS. Caro pushed push baby Dulgheru and Rrrrrrrafa, well, Rafa was Rafa. We still have Russian BBs Pavs and Pivs (who came from qualies to upset Australian Open semifinalist Zheng) alive in the third round. Let’s enjoy this little piece of sunshine and happiness upon us — goodness knows it will be squashed by JJ or the Williams soon.

Pretty boy fyt:

Delish.

Team Russia is awesome (and also very good looking)

December 21st, 2009 • demented, jie zheng, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, sania mirza

The TEAM RUSSIA x TEAM ASIA exhibition in Malasyia came to an end yesterday. Team Russia (formed by Elena Dementieva and Maria Kirilenko) kicked ass defeated Team Asia (Jie Zheng and Sania Mirza). The Russians won both singles and the doubles tie, ending the exho with a perfect 3-0. They were kickass all right.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t even a stream available for the matches. The exhibitions so far are doing a terrible job at keeping us entertained. At least there are cute pictures of them coming out. E.g. Kiri swims with dolphins.

(Pictures via fireflydestinations)

Popcorn ready?

October 29th, 2009 • bb safina, bepa z., caro the danish cutie, demented, jj, williamses

Today’s Order of Play (starts at 5PM Doha Time)

1. Vera Zvonareva vs. Caroline Wozniacki
2. Serena Williams vs. Elena Dementieva
3. Svetlana Kuznetsova vs. Venus Williams

Bepa Zvonareva will play her first match in the tournament. She’s going in as an alternate for Dinara Safina. Yesterday, Dinara retired at 1-1 against JJ due to back problems. Left the court crying and limping. Quite a heartbreaking thing to watch. I’d say Bepa has been playing well since she came back from her injury butt considering she crashed out 0-6 2-6 to Pironkova in Kremlin Cup’s second round just last week… yeah, I’ll be making no predictions. I don’t know how well an injured, tired Piece of Adorable Danish Sunshine Caro can play either.

The second match could be a possible revenge for Serena, after Lena defeated her in Toronto this year. But knowing Serena, I doubt she even cares. She won the epic Wimbledon semis. I’m sure she has no problems sleeping at night. And Elena seems to have this agreement with the top players that goes like this: “I win the Mickey Mouses tournaments, you win the Slams + YEC.” Awesome. But again… predicting matches… I know how good I am at that. (Not at all.)

The third match…. no, I don’t care. *shrug*

Russia x Williams

October 27th, 2009 • demented, kuzzy, williamses

For the Maroon Group.

Match 2: Elena Dementieva def. Venus Williams 3-6 7-6(6) 6-2

There is a tennis saying* that says, “It’s no Elena Dementieva match unless there’s drama”. Today, that prophet spoke only the truth. Lena managed to come up from a set and 1-3 0-30 down. Colour me surprised. I was making fun of her Year-End Championships record on Twitter (5-16 before today) and how she wins as many sets there as the YEC as I would if I played. It’s obvious what’s happening here. Lena follows my Twitter and likes to watch me being a fool of myself. I’m sorry, Lena. It was all good fun, I swear. Oh well.

You can watch the match point here:

Match 3: Serena Williams def. Svetlana Kuznetsova 7-6(6) 7-5

Kuzzy was playing good. But then she choked. Twice. End of story.

(Also, her shirt was too small for her body but let’s not talk about that. Please.)

(And Serena‘s dress? Gorgeous. I wants. With the matching headband and wristbands. Please.)

*Author’s note: I made up that saying.

Ahhhhh, the WTA

October 26th, 2009 • 2 comments bb safina, caro the danish cutie, demented, jj, kuzzy, vika azarenka, williamses

First, I apologize for not posting these past few days. I’ve caught a flu so I’ve been spending my lovely afternoons in bed watching Criminal Minds and drinking tea. But I’m better now so, hai, u guise. :DDDD

The YEC groups came out out and they are:

MAROON GROUP (aka the “death” group):

• Elena Dementieva
• Serena Williams
• Venus Williams
• Svetlana Kuznetsova

WHITE GROUP (aka “baby!GOATs, #1 and, oh right, JJ qualified” group)

• Victoria Azarenka
• Caroline Wozniacki
• Jelena Jankovic
• Dinara Safina

Play starts tomorrow at 5pm Doha time. Here’s the Order of Play:

I hope everyone’s got their popcorn and playsheets ready!

My two cents

October 20th, 2009 • 5 comments allez bitch is back, anne kremer, caro the danish cutie, demented, spice girls

Earlier today, top 5 player Caroline Wozniacki played homegirl Anne Kremer in the first round of Luxembourg. It was a tough first set. Lots of running, lots of moonballs. She requested a medical time-out and got her left leg all taped up. She took it 7-5. Right in the beginning of the second, she got a break. She remained having problems with the injury — specially with her serve. She couldn’t put all her weight on the left leg. But even then, soon, she was leading 3-0. During the changeover, she requested coaching. Her dad and coach, Piotr, came on court. Reports say (my report is a tennis message board — trustworthy, I know) that he said to her, “At 5-0 up ask for the trainer once again and quit, you’re not gonna play next match anyway so let them have some joy”. She did.

I was watching, the injury was real. After the match, she left the court limping with a woman by her side aiding her to carry her gear. She has been playing way too many tournaments, she’s obviously exhausted. I can still understand her decision to play Luxembourg though. Last year, it was an amazing tournament for her. The final against Elena Dementieva was one of my favourite matches of the year. It was close and exciting. She lost having wasted a match point in a third set tiebreak. But Caroline’s not only a professional tennis player, but a top five one at that. It’s time for her to sit down with her fitness trainer and coach and cut down some tournaments. She’s young but she can’t keep up with these 20+ tourneys for much long. She definitely shouldn’t be playing all these weeks in a row when the YEC is literally around the corner.

A big issue that has been raised in this is regarding the betting. Any person that was watching the match (and spoke Polish) could have put money against Caroline and made profit in a 1:100 ratio. If you put 100 bucks, you’d win 10,000. Ruh-roh. Whose exactly fault is this? Piotr’s, for telling his daughter to retire? Caroline’s, for retiring? Kremer’s, for not being to defeat a dead woman walking? Or the WTA’s? For allowing this on-court coaching madness to happen in the first place?

I think it’s the WTA’s. Sure, most players receive coaching from their standing anyways. The WTA is only making it “legal” and at definite times. It’s also good for avoiding (or trying to avoid) meltdowns. But when a person who’s close to the player, like, let’s say, her dad, comes on court to tell them what to do… That has all the potential to go wrong, doesn’t it?

Caroline was sure she wasn’t going to play the next round. It was the smart thing to do. What she was advised by her coach was to make the home crowd happy. Instead of her giving her second round opponent a walk over and gaining a small number of points and prize money, she’d let Luxembourg have one of their players in the second round. I fail to understand how that makes her the bad guy (or girl, in this case). Maybe stupid for entering the tournament in the first place, but definitely not bad. (But seriously, very very stupid.)

This little event only made me reinforce my opinion regarding on-court coaching: it shouldn’t be allowed. Tennis is an individual sport. Having other people that aren’t the players directly interfere with the outcome is a terrible idea. It’s a sport famous for its mental aspect. The WTA is basically making the brain part less important. Dumbing women’s tennis down, let’s say. The players that have the ability to keep calm and change their game plan during the match will be in the same level of the players that simply do not. It’s okay, it’s not like any of us miss smart players like Martina Hingis and Justine Henin, right?