Spasiba

November 1st, 2010 • demented

Hello, dear readers.

I don’t have anything new to add to the topic of the YEC, Bali (except ‘lol Wicky surfing’) or Elena Dementieva‘s retirement. I just want to thank everyone for the lovely comments and responses I got everywhere thanks to the letter. I heard some very kind and inspiring words from all of you. The text ended up at her official website, which is a bit astonishing.  I also translated it to Portuguese to be posted to at Saque e Voleio and it got a nifty space at GloboEsporte‘s tennis home.

I’m glad that, what I thought was a very personal letter, apparently touched so many of you. It’s almost like that quote from Tolstoi* that says the more regional literature is, the more universal it becomes.

*I do realise I just compared one of the greatest minds from literature to a letter I wrote on a blog called ‘Fierce Tennis’. Who knew I was such a big twat?  I cannot apologise enough for that.

(picture via fuckyeahelenadementieva)

An open letter to Elena Dementieva

October 29th, 2010 • 10 comments demented

Dear Elena,

Hi, you don’t know me, I’m just a fan. My name is Bárbara and I’m 20 years old. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but today you retired from professional tennis. (I make stupid jokes when I’m upset, I apologise.) Yesterday, I was cheering for you to make the semis in Doha and gain some extra points, today, I find out I’ll probably never watch you play again. It’s all a bit sudden, if you know what I mean. I’m not criticising you, I know you have your reasons to announce or not announce your retirement. Either way, before you get all defensive on me, let me tell you a bit about myself.

I come from Brazil. When I was 6, Gustavo Kuerten won Roland Garros and created a huge tennis frenzy in the country. I liked him. I believe, up until this day, he was one of the greatest role models and athletes my nation has ever had. But, at the time, I didn’t care all that much. I only seriously got into tennis at 10 — as seriously as you can possibly feel about something when you’re that age. And, when you’re 10, everything feels serious and eternal. I was watching the Sydney Olympics and I ended up catching the women’s singles final. After two not-all-that-great sets, I was in love. No — get off your high horse — not in love with you, in love with the sport. You can probably say there were better matches between 1997 and 2000 to get me into tennis, but love hits you in weird ways, doesn’t it? The Sydney final made me feel a level of excitement, empathy and, in the end, pure sadness that I didn’t know was capable of being felt through sport. After the match, you, Lena, had gained an Olympic silver medal. Tennis, on the other hand, had gained a die-hard fan.

Ever since that final, every year that passed, I loved tennis more and more. Ten years of my life were marked by you and other players hitting yellow fuzzy balls. As cliché as it may sound, I grew up watching you play. I don’t even have to think hard to recall some of your losses that hurt the most. Big ones, like that morning you lost to Myskina in Paris or that night that you lost to Kuznetsova in New York. And even smaller ones, like all the weekends I woke up at 6 AM to watch you play either semifinals or finals in Moscow and saw you lose. But, to be honest, the victories are just as easy to relive. I don’t even have to put any effort to remember the score against Serena when you finally clinched that Kremlin Cup title (5-7 6-1 6-1). Or reminisce how awesome it was when you, single-handedly, won the Fed Cup for Russia against the French in a full Phillipe Chatrier. And, believe me, Elena, I’m terrible with numbers. I can’t, for my life, recall my friends or family member’s birthdays. Turns out my brain believes tennis scores are more important than when my loved ones were born. (No, I was never clinically diagnosed crazy, why do you ask?) And, Elena, if I’m being completely honest with you, even some of your losses bring me good memories. That 2009 Wimbledon semifinal will forever go in history as one of the greatest women’s matches played on the holy grass. You have to feel nothing but pride about that.

Elena, you were the player that made me understand the meaning of the word ‘fan’. You were my football team, my role model, my superhero.  I cared if you won or lost. Eventually, when you grow up, you start thinking ‘What difference does it make in my life if a leggy blonde Russian tennis player wins a match or not?’ But then it’s already too late. You’re already hooked. It’s safe to say I spent quite a few years of life trying to get that hook out of my mouth. As you can see, I failed.

You had a great career. Even if we ignore all the awards, the 16 titles, career high of number three, two Slam finals, Olympic gold medal and consistency  –  you’d still have had a great career. You created fans everywhere you went. You were always the classiest, in victory and defeat. Forget Roger Federer, you were the perfect definition of what a true champion was. If you’re 1% as good as you were an athlete on what you plan to do, then I’m sure you’ll do an amazing job. Feel free to keep in touch. Maybe we can go out for coffee — or vodka, I don’t know what you Russians drink when you’re unemployed.

All the best of luck in your future,

Bárbara

Can you please spell Gabbana?

August 4th, 2010 • 4 comments demented, tennis players are fashionists too

I’m not used to posting ridiculous photoshoots here. Because, let’s face it, tennis players are athletes and, like most athletes, every time they do a fashion photoshoot, it ends up being the most ridiculous, absurd, hilarious, over-the-top pictures ever. Also: I don’t want to have a weekly JJ column. But this Elena Dementieva shoot…. this Elena Dementieva shoot…. I have no words, really. You know how they say a picture says a thousand a words? I have a feeling these say three millions each and they go like this: ‘LOL LOL LOL LOL (…)’

If I were to comment, I wouldn’t even know where to start. The ‘hair’? The ‘special effects’? The ‘outfits’? Really, I wouldn’t even know how to ‘write’ without putting every single ‘word’ in quotation marks. Are you guys familiar with Girls Aloud‘s No Good Advice music video? Well, they are (/were) a very good girlband and that video is one of their earliest works. When they made that video, they knew nothing about fashion (or common sense, apparently) and their costume designer told them silver was going to be really trendy. It makes me wonder, what did they tell Lena in the shoot? ‘Oh, you know, this what Lady Gaga is all about!’, ‘Big Hair makes you appear really talented — just look at Amy Winehouse‘, ‘Jelena Jankovic would never go for this’ etc?

Poor  Lena fans. Like we don’t go through enough pain thanks to her as it is.

(Never before has my tag for Lena been so appropriate.)

Ladies?

July 30th, 2010 • demented, maria shutupova

If you follow my twitter, you know how the prospect of the Stanford quarterfinals had me staring lovingly at the draw.

The battle of big serves and massive forehands: Samantha Stosur x Yanina Wickmayer
Dear lord, Nike, what were you thinking?: Marion Bartoli x Victoria Azarenka
Cat-and-mouse tennis: Agnieszka Radwanska x Maria Kirilenko
And, of course, the one big Russia mess: Maria Sharapova x Elena Dementieva

Basically, any final that can come out of this that isn’t Bartoli-Sharapova will have me ecstatic. Given the fact the odds are on my side, I am already ecstatic. Gimme gimme gimme.

I recommend everyone to tune in this afternoon to watch some damn good tennis. And, if you like, contact TennisTV to make sure they know they’re asses for not airing the match of the number one seed tonight. How dare they, deny us Sam and Wicky.

Why Elena Dementieva should win a Grand Slam: a list.

July 17th, 2010 • 7 comments demented

(This is a very boring and pointless post — skip ahead if you wish.)

BASICALLY: I was bored. I wanted to post. And bobbychin was the only one to suggest something to go here.

Carry on.

*loses 15 readers*

Always a bridesmaid

June 3rd, 2010 • 3 comments demented, francesca schiavone

The ladies semifinals proved to be quite a bore: a somehow dramatic bore. Like women’s tennis, for all the wrong reasons.

A couple of hours before the semis, I had woken in a cheery mood (yay no classes, yay clay, etc). Part of me, the long time Dementieva fan, was hoping Lena would overcome her apparent injuries and recent lackluster tennis to clinch her first Slam final in 6 years. And then, like in a Lifetime movie, against all odds, she would defeat the favourite in the final to finally take her first major.

No, that wasn’t what happened. Why do you ask?

Things looked stellar for Lena in the beginning. She wasn’t playng her best tennis (like she hasn’t in a while) but neither was Franny. She managed to get a break in the first set at 4-3. But, in a Lena-like fashion, gave the break back right away with a double fault. Still, she looked in control. She was saving break points with aces. She was attacking with her forehand. She was going to take this!!!!, I could feel it.

Set went to tiebreak. And there came Lena getting a minibreak and 2-0 lead. Also gave that away, and there went the set.

In the changeover, we see Franny sitting on her chair, clearly focused. She is one set away of being the first Italian lady in a Slam final in the Open Era. And, boy, does she want it. And then we see Lena stopping in front of her chair, Franny stands and they shake hands.

On the replay, we can see Franny’s face (brilliant stuff, by the way). She is as confused by this as we are. In the presser, she admitted her thoughts at the moment were: ‘Why are you here? Do you need something?’ Are you congratulating me on my tiebreak win? Well, that’s nice. No, what you mean retire? She retired??? What? Me??? In the final?? What?? :D :D :D *goes off to make out with clay court*

Lena later stated on her press conference that she tore her calf muscle on the second round. She said she considered retiring in that marathon against Wozniak in the third round — the match that ended with Lena kneeling on the court, her face between her hands.

Lena is now pulling out of Eastbourne. The injury should take two to four months to heal. Wimbledon is in doubt, just like her streak of 46 consecutive slam appearances.

Tennis: Because toying with your emotions is just that fun.

A bucket of happiness, sunshine, kittens and my bbs winning: the post

May 28th, 2010 • demented, holy rafa, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, sam stosur, yanina wickmayer

Excuse me for a moment — I’m going to act even more biased than I do normally. Because:

ALL THESE LADIES WON. AND IT WAS EPIC.

And, damn, you guys, the matches were all hard (Sam‘s not so much, but for a moment there, when she lost the 1st, I was scared) — all three-setters.

Lena played some spectacular shit tennis and had to come down from a set down and then from a break drown on the 3rd set to defeat CanWoz. When Kiri started serving for the match, we got suicidal but then she ended up snagging the 3rd set 6-4. And Wicky, well, they didn’t have a stream for Wicky but I imagine if it took her 32 games to defeat mommy!Bammer, then it mustn’t have been pretty. Still, a win is a win.

But that wasn’t all. We had BONUS WINNERS. Caro pushed push baby Dulgheru and Rrrrrrrafa, well, Rafa was Rafa. We still have Russian BBs Pavs and Pivs (who came from qualies to upset Australian Open semifinalist Zheng) alive in the third round. Let’s enjoy this little piece of sunshine and happiness upon us — goodness knows it will be squashed by JJ or the Williams soon.

Pretty boy fyt:

Delish.

Team Russia is awesome (and also very good looking)

December 21st, 2009 • demented, jie zheng, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, sania mirza

The TEAM RUSSIA x TEAM ASIA exhibition in Malasyia came to an end yesterday. Team Russia (formed by Elena Dementieva and Maria Kirilenko) kicked ass defeated Team Asia (Jie Zheng and Sania Mirza). The Russians won both singles and the doubles tie, ending the exho with a perfect 3-0. They were kickass all right.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t even a stream available for the matches. The exhibitions so far are doing a terrible job at keeping us entertained. At least there are cute pictures of them coming out. E.g. Kiri swims with dolphins.

(Pictures via fireflydestinations)

Popcorn ready?

October 29th, 2009 • bb safina, bepa z., caro the danish cutie, demented, jj, williamses

Today’s Order of Play (starts at 5PM Doha Time)

1. Vera Zvonareva vs. Caroline Wozniacki
2. Serena Williams vs. Elena Dementieva
3. Svetlana Kuznetsova vs. Venus Williams

Bepa Zvonareva will play her first match in the tournament. She’s going in as an alternate for Dinara Safina. Yesterday, Dinara retired at 1-1 against JJ due to back problems. Left the court crying and limping. Quite a heartbreaking thing to watch. I’d say Bepa has been playing well since she came back from her injury butt considering she crashed out 0-6 2-6 to Pironkova in Kremlin Cup’s second round just last week… yeah, I’ll be making no predictions. I don’t know how well an injured, tired Piece of Adorable Danish Sunshine Caro can play either.

The second match could be a possible revenge for Serena, after Lena defeated her in Toronto this year. But knowing Serena, I doubt she even cares. She won the epic Wimbledon semis. I’m sure she has no problems sleeping at night. And Elena seems to have this agreement with the top players that goes like this: “I win the Mickey Mouses tournaments, you win the Slams + YEC.” Awesome. But again… predicting matches… I know how good I am at that. (Not at all.)

The third match…. no, I don’t care. *shrug*

Russia x Williams

October 27th, 2009 • demented, kuzzy, williamses

For the Maroon Group.

Match 2: Elena Dementieva def. Venus Williams 3-6 7-6(6) 6-2

There is a tennis saying* that says, “It’s no Elena Dementieva match unless there’s drama”. Today, that prophet spoke only the truth. Lena managed to come up from a set and 1-3 0-30 down. Colour me surprised. I was making fun of her Year-End Championships record on Twitter (5-16 before today) and how she wins as many sets there as the YEC as I would if I played. It’s obvious what’s happening here. Lena follows my Twitter and likes to watch me being a fool of myself. I’m sorry, Lena. It was all good fun, I swear. Oh well.

You can watch the match point here:

Match 3: Serena Williams def. Svetlana Kuznetsova 7-6(6) 7-5

Kuzzy was playing good. But then she choked. Twice. End of story.

(Also, her shirt was too small for her body but let’s not talk about that. Please.)

(And Serena‘s dress? Gorgeous. I wants. With the matching headband and wristbands. Please.)

*Author’s note: I made up that saying.