This week in bitchiness

August 2nd, 2009 • 2 comments bb safina, can't hear your grunt well enough de brito, demented, jj, larcher de "louder pls, maria shutupova, marion bartoli, sabine sparkles, williamses

Stanford has been really good. If not by the matches, then at least for the interviews and loltastic statements given by the players. Everyone knows that one of the biggest differences between the WTA and the ATP is the SASS. The girls are just better at bringing some of the off-court drama to the court and being oh-so-bitter losers. Thank goodness for that, eh?

This week, it all started with Bartoli answering the question of who she’d rather play: Lisicki or JJ. She said Jankovic, “I always beat her”, for leading their head-to-head 3-0 at the time.

Former number one, JJ, who really didn’t take that one lightly, said:

“She talks like she’s just Serena Williams. Everybody had a right to say what she wants. I’m not really focused on Bartoli. She’s not like my biggest rival or someone I look up to or I’m scared of. She’s just one of the players on tour, not a big name, or someone who is making the big results or headlines in the game.”

Of course JJ would lose after that, even wasting two match points. Way to prove a point, Jay. And to create some more drama, let’s just say Jelena’s first statement meant she was calling Serena an arrogant b*tch as well. So, still, not satisfied with having attacked both Serena and Fatty, JJ… kept her mouth opened.

“To be number one, you should be complete and if you are number one you have to be beating the Williams sisters. I’m one of the rare players who has a positive record against the Williams sisters”

So this leaves JJ’s list of “Players I trash talked to this week” like this: Dinara Safina, Serena Williams and Jelena Jankovic. I wonder if she can still release a statement until Monday to say Sharapova is not really Russian or that Larcher de Brito‘s grunts should be banned. You know, just to make it longer.

After that lenghty list, Bartoli intimidated seeing Jankovic steal her Stanford’s SASSIEST MOUTH spotlight. She decided to trash… Lena. Yes, Loser-of-the-Week Lena. These were Bartoli words about her expectations regarding today’s final against Venus:

“My first goal tomorrow is not to lose 6-0 6-1″

For the sake of it, I hope she gets double bagelled just so Lena can come out and say “OH LOL TOO BAD”.

And just because I think this is the perfect time to bring up this wonderful macro, here it goes:

Happy Birthday, Lena (V.)!

August 1st, 2009 • 3 comments chaky, demented, lena v. always brings the lolz, maria shutupova, vika azarenka, williamses

Considering the DISASTER that was the Lena-Venus match today, I’ll avoid talking about it. If you’re a Venus fan, I’m sure it’s delicious to have a bagel and a breadstick for breakfast, but… with these stats? Lena had 3 winners and 19 unforced errors, even Sharapova managed to win a couple of games per set! I think Lena’s loss was because of bad karma from me. Not only was I rolling on the floor laughing at her recent “bitchiness”, but I also failed to keep a straight watching Sharapova play Venus. Her volleys, you guys. How are you supposed to not laugh? Yes, I’m a terrible tennis fan, tell me something I don’t know.

Moving on to another Elena, today’s Elena Vesnina’s birthday (!!!!). I don’t know if you guys are familiar with this but I adore her.

And that lovely Russian girl turned 23 today (August 1st) and I just thought I could post a few pics. You know, to celebrate.

Even if she didn’t play tennis, she would still have hilarious facial expressions that would amuse me ’til the end.

And she could always remain Failed Cup’s official cheerleader or something. Give me an R!! … no?

And as I tuned in on the Bartoli-Stosur match to check the score, the commentator informed that yesterday it was Lena V.’s gf Vika‘s birthday. I looked it up — it’s true. Vika turned twenty (!!!!) yesterday. I’m sorry but it’s not my fault I forgot. I can hardly remember my friends’ birthdays and Vika doesn’t have an LJ to remind me of such triviliaties. Her bad. She didn’t get a picspam.

Lena, Lena, let's try not out-awesome-ing the other players on their faces, ok?

July 31st, 2009 • 9 comments demented, jj, nadia petrova, severine bremond

This is a self-acclaimed LET’S FANGIRL OVER LENA post. Proceed with caution (or don’t proceed at all) if you’re a hater*.

Lena trash talking (or Lena’s equivalent of “trash talking”) JJ, according to Doug’s Sports Blog:

Asked about Jankovic’s complaints the other day, the fourth-ranked player laughed: “I don’t know what to say. It looks like she’s playing every single week, more than anyone else. If she can play two tournaments in a week, she will do this.”

O snap, Lena.

The Golden Goddess wasn’t satisfied with the sarcastic mockery of Jankovic. She then decided to also show off her superior intellect. In the Hero video, “Players Favorite Books”, this becomes quite obvious. The question: “What’s your favourite book?”. Severine Bremond’s answer was Stephanie Meyer‘s Twilight. Lena’s reply was Tolstoi and Dostoievski books. Oh, Lena, stop it! Now we can tell you’re doing on purpose.

And Nadia‘s favourite books are War and Peace and Gone With The Wind. She must have a huge attention spam. I can hardly get through the Gone With The Wind movie in one sit — and it’s one of my favourite movies!

*To da left, to da left.

P.S.  Once again I apologize for not posting but I was a) sick and b) busy watching the FINA World Championships in Rome.

Lena-Serena — no witty titles

July 2nd, 2009 • 2 comments bb safina, caro the danish cutie, demented, williamses

I wasn’t going to post. I didn’t think I had anything interesting to say and I thought writing about the match would be a little too painful for me. You see, next year, it will be ten years I’ve been a fan of Elena Dementieva. Which is perfectly common between her fans — we’re loyal as fuck lunatics. That’s just how we roll, duuude. So seeing my Lena so close (match point close) of winning such an epic match (longest ladies semis at Wimby ever) to make the Wimbledon finals… kinda breaks my heart. But I’ll he honest, before the match, I had very low expectations for Lena. I thought it would be two easy for Serena. Seeing her take that first set left me on my feet, screaming at the TV. It was three hours of pure emotion: there was excitement, happiness, pride, tears, sweat, disappointment — all watching a tennis match.

Well, I think only by playing these kind of matches you can improve, you know, because this is the players that I want to beat, to win a Grand Slam.

I’m proud of her, I really am. I felt like chatting up a random stranger today and saying “My girl is a fighter, innit?” or something of that kind. I think this match is not a victory for tennis only, but a victory for women’s tennis. I’m tired as hell of listening how women’s tennis has no depth, how women don’t deserve equal pay and about “the number one position”. I don’t know from where people got the idea that one to three people dominating the sport is what it’s good. I like women’s tennis how it is, tyvm. You have a lot of youngsters coming up challenging the experienced players. You have drama. And after all, you have some amazing tennis — like this one. People just like to criticize the WTA, I think that is the problem. All the girls are either brainless ballbashers (like Dina) or moonballers (like Caro). These people can go watch Karlovic-Roddick on grass for all I care.

And I think if you play very aggressive, if you play ‑‑ you know, believe in your heart you can do it, because today was a very close match.

The match was a thriller. It was a thriller for people that don’t even watch the sport. Even ESPN is replaying the match at 8:00 PM EDT. The first time a tennis match is being replayed on ESPN and not on ESPN Classic. I think, in the end, in INSTANT CLASSICS like this one, you need to give two steps back from being a tennis fan. Forget who you’re cheering for, enjoy the sport. It will give you a smaller heartbreak, I promise. And in the final? I’ll be cheering for Serena. Even though that will probably make Dina look like an even bigger incompetent at this point. *sigh*

So this is the real game, and this is what I like about tennis. So to play against best players in the world, this is what makes it so interesting for me.

To fighters. And to learning how to serve.

(quotes from Lena’s presser)

Bye Bye Babes

July 1st, 2009 • anne keothavong, demented, maria shutupova, marion bartoli, sabine sparkles, sorana banana, squeaky shoes ivanovic

Oh, the lolz. As a big fan of gossip of any kind, I have no shame in admitting I love sleazy tabloids. And The Sun‘s coverage of Wimbledon? Does not fail at making me laugh. Click above to see a slideshow of all the “babes” that have already lost (their excuse for no Lena, I s’pose?). Its only mistake is having fifty pictures of Maria and Ana and none of Sorana Banana. And is Sabine considered hot by men? Really? Weird.

But now, if you want to roll on the floor laughing, take a look at The Sun‘s Top 10 Tennis babes. I’ll give you a couple of teasers:
#10 Anne Keothavong (because if there isn’t a British, then it isn’t The Sun!)
#09 Marion Bartoli (LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL forever)

Is it just me or is watching Lena win the best thing ever?

June 30th, 2009 • 3 comments demented

Even though I’ll probably be a hopelessly devoted Elena Dementieva fan until the end of days, I’m not terribly excited about the semis. I’ll just focus on the good things so far. Like how she managed to not choke up a cakedraw like she always does. And how she miraculously defended her semifinal points. I’m just very proud of her and I think it’s already a win making this far. Congrats, Lena!

Okay, from her presser:

Q. People might be expecting an all‑Williams final. Do you think we can have an all‑Russian final instead?

ELENA DEMENTIEVA: Can we play just two finals instead?

Best idea ever? And we can give each winner a trophy. Come on, you guys. I believe this idea should be taken in consideration and also mine of doing a huge Natinal Tournament in Moscow — mandatory for the Russians.

1 1 Safina, Dinara 27/04/86 RUS 9801 19
4 4 Dementieva, Elena 15/10/81 RUS 6591 21
5 5 Kuznetsova, Svetlana 27/06/85 RUS 6191 19
7 7 Zvonareva, Vera 07/09/84 RUS 5360 24
10 10 Petrova, Nadia 08/06/82 RUS 3520 25
29 30 Pavlyuchenkova, Anastasia 03/07/91 RUS 1708 21
30 31 Chakvetadze, Anna 05/03/87 RUS 1681 21
31 26 Kleybanova, Alisa 15/07/89 RUS 1665 22
37 38 Vesnina, Elena 01/08/86 RUS 1399 22
46 46 Makarova, Ekaterina 07/06/88 RUS 1295 20
49 52 Dushevina, Vera 06/10/86 RUS 1279 22
59 58 Kirilenko, Maria 25/01/87 RUS 1008 25
60 59 Sharapova, Maria 19/04/87 RUS 990 12
70 68 Kudryavtseva, Alla 03/11/87 RUS 929 27
117 118 Diatchenko, Vitalia 02/08/90 RUS 569 16
121 122 Rodina, Evgeniya 04/02/89 RUS 548 21

The best 16 players from Russia in four groups, four players each. EPIC TOURNEY IT WOULD BE. It could be only two groups but then we would leave out Lena V., Kiri and Sharapova. I don’t know if people would like that in, you know, my head.

Yes, you can tell I have too much time in my hands when I come up with insane shit like that. But, eh, I own a blog called “Fierce Tennis”, so what else is new?

YOU STAY CLASSY, WIMBY

June 30th, 2009 • 2 comments demented, tennis players are rockstars too

I was just looking for cute pictures of Lena giggling/celebrating her SECOND SEMIFINAL IN A ROW (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I see this:

Why-oh-why do I feel like we should expect crotch pictures of the players getting out of cars next year? I do not want to see athletes à la Britney Spears, tyvm, photographers. I know this must sound odd and all but I’m on this for the, you know, tennis (*GASP!*).

Wimbledon says “Go Make Me a Sandwich, Bitch!”*

June 29th, 2009 • 7 comments baby mario, bb safina, bepa z., caro the danish cutie, demented, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, kuzzy, radek sexynek, sorana banana, vika azarenka, virginie razzano, williamses

*This was written by a good friend of mine, Ivy. I told her if she wrote an article blasting the sexism regarding Wimbledon organizers (admitted by them), I’d gladly post it here. So there you go, enjoy the read.

Hey, remember in 2005, when there was all that controversy about Wimbledon refusing to pay equal prize money to men and women? And then we all LOL’ed when the women’s final was longer than the men’s final?

Yes, quite a few of the arguments were legit. Women DON’T play 5-sets and MAY not have the depth of the men’s draw (But seriously? Andy Roddick made slam finals. UR POINT IS MOOT. LOL). But that’s not the point. Equal prize money is a principle, validating men and women as equals. Because here’s the truth: women work just as hard as men to compete at a professional level, incur the same costs as men on the tour, and bring in just as much tournament revenue through star power as the men. So why not equal prize money?

Then Wimbledon finally acquiesced in 2007 and we all said “Yay! Sexism is over! Whoo Margaret Thatcher!” (Because it’s England, bitches.)

So, imagine my surprise when I noticed that only women deemed “attractive” by the Wimbledon organizers were being put on Centre Court. At first I was like, “Woah, been watching way too many specials on The History Channel about the Kennedy assassination.” But then I realized, Wimbledon is a sexist ponce that deserves to get called out on its shit.

The two big matches that had people (i.e. me) bitching? Caroline Wozniacki [9] vs Maria Kirilenko and Victoria Azarenka [8] vs Sorana Cirstea [28]. Why the bitching?

· Compared to the men’s seeds on CC (with the single exception of Marin Cilic), these girls were seeded too low/didn’t have the accomplishments to play on CC

· On the day that Caro was playing, DEFENDING CHAMPION Venus was playing on Court 1, World No.1 Safina was playing on Court 2, and 2009 French Open Champion Kuznetsova was playing on Court 3.

· On the day that Azarenka was playing, World No.4 and 2008 Wimbledon semifinalist Elena Dementieva was on Court 1, World No.2 and the infamous Serena Williams was on Court 2. FFS, even Zvonereva [7] vs. Razzano [26] were on Court 18, when BOTH women were seeded higher than the Centre Court match.

· Some other fun facts. During the first week, Dinara Safina did not play on Centre Court. Neither did Elena Dementieva nor Svetlana Kuznetsova. Venus played on Centre Court once, and Serena twice (out of three times, which isn’t a huge injustice.)

I guess you could say I was fairly pissed off that people who actually merited CC were not getting it.

a) It’s outrageous that women are judged on their looks and NOT on their merit.

b) It’s outrageous that men are judged on merit but not women.

Seriously? If the “pretty people up front, ugly people in the back” rule applied to the men’s side, Radek Stepanek would be bloody playing underground in the Subway!

I did a little investigative digging (basically, looking at the schedule of play on wimbledon.org) and noticed that on Centre Court and Court 1, the WTA matches: ATP matches ratio was 6:13 and 11:12 respectively. Not only are women getting on the big stage less, but the ones who DO are the ones who look the best, NOT the ones who have earned it.

The icing on top of the cake was when a Wimbledon representative actually CAME OUT and said that looks do matter in determining who gets Centre Court. Thanks, you asshat. My suspicions were confirmed that Wimbledon is not only sexist, but damn stupid as well. Cheers xx

BÁRBARA’S NOTE: I wish this blog had a less stupid name so the article would look less out of place. Sry bb.

*My* blog means I can be as much biased as I wish, right?

June 26th, 2009 • 3 comments demented, domi cibulkova, lena v. always brings the lolz, sorana banana, vika azarenka

LEEEEEENAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She defeated Domi today 7-5 4-6 6-4 in 3 hours and 3 minutes. Seriously, what a frakkin’ marathon it was. My heart couldn’t handle it and I eventually focused my attention on Sorana Banana-Vika (¡hola eyecandy!). I believe my most used sentence of the day was “FOR FUCK’S SAKE, LENA V”. The Lenas, you guys, they’re up to no good. They want to give me a heart attack, I’m sure of it. Lena V. choked up a lead in the second and then came back from 0-2 in the third. Each game would last for-frakkin’-ever. The girls did not get the memo this isn’t green clay. This is grass, girls, GRASS! Blink-and-it’s-over grass. Take it easy on me.

Now, Lena V. plays Lena The Greater. Ouch. Lena V., a fourth round is good, girl! Let my all-time fave win pls. In two easy, if possible. Thx!

"Sex sells!"

June 25th, 2009 • 7 comments bondarenkos, caro the danish cutie, chaky, demented, domi cibulkova, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, sorana banana, vika azarenka, williamses

Ok, so the match wasn’t that all exciting. I left home when it was 6-0 2-0 for Caro — obviously proving my jinxing abilities. Kiri put up a fight in the second, broke Caro’s serve back but eventually lost 6-4. I believe that was the first time I’ve seen Caro overpower anyone. Danish Cutie looked like she was in kill mode today. I thought it was lovely. I want Kiri to pick her game up (and her Stella McCartney sponsorship) because when she’s on, she’s a pleasure to watch. Moves well, nice groundstrokes and volleys. Let’s just be glad they played on Centre Court and that means a big number of pics of these two.

Now, tomorrow’s OOP. I can’t help but LOL at the fact Lena is at Court 1 and Serena, two times champion, is at Court 2, a smaller court. And Lena is playing Kulikova, a player outside the top 100, while Serena plays Vinci. No, seriously, EHL-O-fucking-EHL. I give up on trying to understand how the organizers decide the OOP. I’m starting to believe it is to please me, so I’ll most likely not complain. Hellz yeah, moar Russians and pretty Spaniards at showcourts pls.

Tomorrow, to also make me happyyyyy, we get Vika-Sorana Banana () on CC.

Vika, please, PLEASE, be nicer to Sori than Caro was to Kiri? (That’s a weird sentence with lots of ridiculous sounding nicknames.)

Still on Vika, here you can see the videos from the French FHM photoshoot with her, Domi, Alona and Chaky. These screencaps of Vika and Chaky had me laughing for all eternity. I’m pretty sure Chaky “being hot” is one of the most awkward things on Earth. She’s a lovely good-looking girl but my mind just goes “Chaky, bb, please put your clothes on, you’re not old enough for that!”. Ignore the fact Vika is three years younger than her, Chaky is forever 12 for me. I love how Lena makes a “special appareance” on the video and that me and Domi have the same sweater. I even wore it today. Zomg, ~*~fate~*~.