Sluts!

July 26th, 2010 • 2 comments kuzzy, magdalena rybarikova, vika azarenka

Since there’s no stream for the Most Epic Doubles Ever (aka Team Vikiri versus Wicky + some other lady), I’m watching some ridiculous videos online. I was browsing through ESPNStar‘s tennis database and, let me tell you, that’s a lot of ridiculousness.

I’m going to highlight my favourites, but really, you should watch all interviews. The number of stupid questions asked are…. quite high.

They ask Sveta who her favourite label is. Just…… look at what she’s wearing. Girl wouldn’t recognise fashion even if it punched her on the stomach and spitted on her face. A bit harsh? Sorry. Hey, at least she says Balenciaga. You’ll understand how special that is after hearing ‘Dolce & Gabbana‘ a million times. I’m shocked no one said Louis Vuitton. You can tell the players love the monogram. (ED NOTE: This isn’t a Federer joke.)

Magdalena Rybarikova: my new personal favourite. They ask who, in the whole world, she would like to go on a date with. She says David Beckham and some tennis players. What tennis players? Rafael Nadal. What would she wear on a date with Nadal? Something sexy and short.

Now Laura Robson starts to make sense.

This one isn’t funny. Or original. Or slutty. But butchy!dimple-attack!Vika makes me happy. Carry on, readers, carry on.

Russia x Williams

October 27th, 2009 • demented, kuzzy, williamses

For the Maroon Group.

Match 2: Elena Dementieva def. Venus Williams 3-6 7-6(6) 6-2

There is a tennis saying* that says, “It’s no Elena Dementieva match unless there’s drama”. Today, that prophet spoke only the truth. Lena managed to come up from a set and 1-3 0-30 down. Colour me surprised. I was making fun of her Year-End Championships record on Twitter (5-16 before today) and how she wins as many sets there as the YEC as I would if I played. It’s obvious what’s happening here. Lena follows my Twitter and likes to watch me being a fool of myself. I’m sorry, Lena. It was all good fun, I swear. Oh well.

You can watch the match point here:

Match 3: Serena Williams def. Svetlana Kuznetsova 7-6(6) 7-5

Kuzzy was playing good. But then she choked. Twice. End of story.

(Also, her shirt was too small for her body but let’s not talk about that. Please.)

(And Serena‘s dress? Gorgeous. I wants. With the matching headband and wristbands. Please.)

*Author’s note: I made up that saying.

Ahhhhh, the WTA

October 26th, 2009 • 2 comments bb safina, caro the danish cutie, demented, jj, kuzzy, vika azarenka, williamses

First, I apologize for not posting these past few days. I’ve caught a flu so I’ve been spending my lovely afternoons in bed watching Criminal Minds and drinking tea. But I’m better now so, hai, u guise. :DDDD

The YEC groups came out out and they are:

MAROON GROUP (aka the “death” group):

• Elena Dementieva
• Serena Williams
• Venus Williams
• Svetlana Kuznetsova

WHITE GROUP (aka “baby!GOATs, #1 and, oh right, JJ qualified” group)

• Victoria Azarenka
• Caroline Wozniacki
• Jelena Jankovic
• Dinara Safina

Play starts tomorrow at 5pm Doha time. Here’s the Order of Play:

I hope everyone’s got their popcorn and playsheets ready!

Yo yo West Side

October 11th, 2009 • 4 comments kuzzy, the radwanskas

Let me take a second as a Radwanska fan to mourn this loss. I only watched the second set (and I started at 1-3) and, from what I saw, bb Aga was being completely controlled. Kuz was moving her very well and was hardly giving her opportunity for these amazing counter punching attacks. She ended up taking the match and title with an easy 6-2 6-4 score. Congratulations, Sveta.

Now, let’s talk about what you all come here for. Sveta’s gang signs.

Just… what? Has she joined the Russian mafia or something? Is that an “M” for Moscow? Isn’t she from St. Petersburg? I’m properly confused.

The first one is, apparently, Aga pretending to hit Sveta with the stuffed tennis ball. I missed that during the ceremony. Woes.

LOL… wut.

August 9th, 2009 • 2 comments delpo, forza!, holy rafa, kuzzy, maria shutupova, momo the sassy french lesbian sex kitten, roger failderer, sam stosur, williamses

I was all ready to come here and post about today’s finals — I even had the pic ready. I watched both Delpo‘s and Flavia‘s, so I was prepared to make some insightful comment about the tennis and how it was hilarious to see Delpo going all “wheee” to Roddick’s face. I mean, it’s not the dude’s fault. Roddick challenged the championship point winner and went to the net. When the call remained, they were facing each other. Delpo celebrated. It made me laugh. I was also going to talk about how Sam is an idiot, really. But I’ll skip that and congratulate Flavia. But before I came here to post, I took a quick look at my feeds and realized that there are other absurd, ridiculous stuff happening on the sport that are more worth mentioning than those stuff.

Such as, when Tennis Forum comes up with cracktastic threads like Lesbians Are The Biggest Chokers On Tour. LOL wut. Examples? Momo, Kuz, Sharapova. Since we’re at it, didn’t Sam lose a match against Serena this year in Australia having match points? Or was it last year? Whatever, it happened. And does this means maybe Kiri is a lesbian? Or Lena? I don’t think that theory makes sense.

And onto more stuff that makes me “LOLWUT”, why oh why is Rafa playing doubles in Montréal with his 40-year-old coach? Am I the only one that finds that disrespectful to the tournament and to the other players? I love the boy to death but this might be taking the whole “tournament as practice” a little too far. There were probably other players, maybe even doubles specialists, that wanted in. But again, the organizers probably don’t care. They just want to sell tickets… even if it’s tickets for a fancy practice session.

Amusing pissed!Federer for some more “LOL… WHAT”.

And when Rafa does it, it’s ~*magic*~:

Wimbledon says “Go Make Me a Sandwich, Bitch!”*

June 29th, 2009 • 7 comments baby mario, bb safina, bepa z., caro the danish cutie, demented, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, kuzzy, radek sexynek, sorana banana, vika azarenka, virginie razzano, williamses

*This was written by a good friend of mine, Ivy. I told her if she wrote an article blasting the sexism regarding Wimbledon organizers (admitted by them), I’d gladly post it here. So there you go, enjoy the read.

Hey, remember in 2005, when there was all that controversy about Wimbledon refusing to pay equal prize money to men and women? And then we all LOL’ed when the women’s final was longer than the men’s final?

Yes, quite a few of the arguments were legit. Women DON’T play 5-sets and MAY not have the depth of the men’s draw (But seriously? Andy Roddick made slam finals. UR POINT IS MOOT. LOL). But that’s not the point. Equal prize money is a principle, validating men and women as equals. Because here’s the truth: women work just as hard as men to compete at a professional level, incur the same costs as men on the tour, and bring in just as much tournament revenue through star power as the men. So why not equal prize money?

Then Wimbledon finally acquiesced in 2007 and we all said “Yay! Sexism is over! Whoo Margaret Thatcher!” (Because it’s England, bitches.)

So, imagine my surprise when I noticed that only women deemed “attractive” by the Wimbledon organizers were being put on Centre Court. At first I was like, “Woah, been watching way too many specials on The History Channel about the Kennedy assassination.” But then I realized, Wimbledon is a sexist ponce that deserves to get called out on its shit.

The two big matches that had people (i.e. me) bitching? Caroline Wozniacki [9] vs Maria Kirilenko and Victoria Azarenka [8] vs Sorana Cirstea [28]. Why the bitching?

· Compared to the men’s seeds on CC (with the single exception of Marin Cilic), these girls were seeded too low/didn’t have the accomplishments to play on CC

· On the day that Caro was playing, DEFENDING CHAMPION Venus was playing on Court 1, World No.1 Safina was playing on Court 2, and 2009 French Open Champion Kuznetsova was playing on Court 3.

· On the day that Azarenka was playing, World No.4 and 2008 Wimbledon semifinalist Elena Dementieva was on Court 1, World No.2 and the infamous Serena Williams was on Court 2. FFS, even Zvonereva [7] vs. Razzano [26] were on Court 18, when BOTH women were seeded higher than the Centre Court match.

· Some other fun facts. During the first week, Dinara Safina did not play on Centre Court. Neither did Elena Dementieva nor Svetlana Kuznetsova. Venus played on Centre Court once, and Serena twice (out of three times, which isn’t a huge injustice.)

I guess you could say I was fairly pissed off that people who actually merited CC were not getting it.

a) It’s outrageous that women are judged on their looks and NOT on their merit.

b) It’s outrageous that men are judged on merit but not women.

Seriously? If the “pretty people up front, ugly people in the back” rule applied to the men’s side, Radek Stepanek would be bloody playing underground in the Subway!

I did a little investigative digging (basically, looking at the schedule of play on wimbledon.org) and noticed that on Centre Court and Court 1, the WTA matches: ATP matches ratio was 6:13 and 11:12 respectively. Not only are women getting on the big stage less, but the ones who DO are the ones who look the best, NOT the ones who have earned it.

The icing on top of the cake was when a Wimbledon representative actually CAME OUT and said that looks do matter in determining who gets Centre Court. Thanks, you asshat. My suspicions were confirmed that Wimbledon is not only sexist, but damn stupid as well. Cheers xx

BÁRBARA’S NOTE: I wish this blog had a less stupid name so the article would look less out of place. Sry bb.

Middle sunday, yo

June 28th, 2009 • 3 comments alizé cornet, caro the danish cutie, jj, kuzzy, sorana banana, tennis players are fashionists too, tennis players are rockstars too, vika azarenka

Well, I actually have nothing to report but I thought I was doing so well posting here everyday! Didn’t want to ruin that, did I? So how about I post on… nothing? Yeah? Exciting? Cool.

Via adeegee’s Wimbly reports, a few cute pictures of the girls:

Caro Wozniacki rocking out with her wayfarers.

Yeah, baby, you’re so .

Is she looking for her mojo? Idek but LOL either way, JJ.

Vika and her headband of sex. I wonder if she takes that thing off for showering and stuff.

Caro and  wear matching nail polish. ‘Nough said.

“Zomg Caro, did you see how adorable I just was?”

Track jacket. Want.

Watchya listenin’ to, Kuz? Lil’ Wayne?

Winner of the day

June 27th, 2009 • 4 comments caro the danish cutie, chaky, kuzzy, sabine sparkles, vika azarenka

The lovely 19-year-old (89/90 generation, yo!) Sabine Lisicki that defeated birthday girl and RG champion Kuz to make her first appearance at a Slam’s second week ever. What a cutie.

From what I’ve watched of the second set, Kuz played like shit. But congrats to Sabine to not choking and going through that tough first round match against Chokevetadze. She plays Caro now. Please be a nice girl lose, Sabine. Tyvm.

Question. Why do we get pictures of Kuzzy like this but not from Vika? I call bullshit.

Be Still My Heart

June 6th, 2009 • 2 comments bb safina, kuzzy, squeaky shoes ivanovic

This French Open will go down for me personally as the French Open of Heartbreaks. I still can’t get my head around the Rafa loss and this one… “wah” expresses my feelings. I just feel bad for Dinara. You could see she was thinking “yes, this is my turn now” through the deception on her eyes. I’d like to expresss my most sincere congratulations to Kuzzy. She played better and (surprisingly) didn’t choke. Pity about the end… can’t think of a worse way to end a Grand Slam final. Kuzzy was very classy with a very discreet celebration proving she’s a great champion. Well, now I just hope this loss doesn’t frak bb Dina’s head up. Keep on the good play and you will win there someday.

The best part of the final was in the ceremony when Steffi Graff (didn’t she look good in that suit???) presented the trophies. Kuzzy was such a fangirl. She kept talking about how she had never met Steffi before and then continue on rambling “I adore you! You’re great!”. Oh, Kuzzy, you dork, we adore you too.

And that classic picture of the champion in front of the Tour Eiffel? That will have me LOL-ing for all eternity because of the contrast between last year’s and this year’s.

*grins* I love it. Guess which one is my favourite.