Is it cold up there?

January 3rd, 2010 • john isner, melanie oudin new goat

Oh goodness, it’s even more hilarious when she isn’t wearing heels. Suddenly I feel like I should stop having a crush on Isner — we’d look ridiculous together.

And, unfortunately, the lol-ness of their doubles team didn’t stop them to lose to Spain 3-0. SORRY, TEAM USA. At least you win at ridiculousness.

So this is what taking a basketball player to prom night feels like…

January 2nd, 2010 • 1 comment john isner, melanie oudin new goat

Being a ~*celebrity*~ + Rain

September 15th, 2009 • 1 comment Kimilf Clijsters, melanie oudin new goat, yanina wickmayer

Earlier today, U.S. Open Official Believer, Melanie Oudin, made an appearance on The Ellen Show. In a pretty sweet interview, we find out the whole world agrees that Melanie is a cradle robber and that meeting Ellen Degeneres > winning tennis matches. But it’s not like we didn’t know that. Still watchable and will most likely lift your mood.

After the interview, they played some tennis. Well, “tennis”, actually. To play doubles, Ellen paired up with Queen Latifah and Melanie with some random dude.

You know, in my time, lesbians used to be better players. Just sayin’. I’m sure Martina and BJK would not approve that.

And this is a BONUS to this post: Have you ever wondered what tennis players do during rain delays? Well, here’s what Team Belgium does. Cuties.

Danish Cutie wins at life. Pam Shrivers fails at life.

September 10th, 2009 • caro the danish cutie, melanie oudin new goat, yanina wickmayer

Yesterday, Caroline Wozniacki aka Caro aka Danish Cutie aka Sunshine moved into her first Slam semifinal ever. Losing just four games in a little under an hour and half, she defeated the new American sweetheart. The match was far from being stellar, it was obvious the pressure had finally hit Oudin. She was making more mistakes than she had done in her previous rounds. It’s possible the 17-year-old also felt the Dane’s style of play. Differently from all the Russians she had played, Caro has a very similar counterpunching game to Oudin. She gets a lot of balls back and ends up making the opponent go for the winner — increasing the number of errors. With this win, Caro will go up to number 7 (!) in the rankings. She now plays Wickmayer for a spot in the final on Friday*.

After the match, Caro was interviewed about her future semifinal opponent by Pam Shriver. Pam asked her how was she was feeling about being the clear the favourite now she’d face Wickmayer. The way that was said made it sound, at the very least, that the commentator was underestimating the Belgian. The crowd booed her and Pam shot a “What did I say?” to them back. Check out the video, it’s a must-watch. Not only because of the booing but because Caro has a clear look of scare when she hears the sound. She probably thought they were booing her. Bless her.

Just before that match, Pam had also interviewed Oudin’s 9-year-old sister. She had closed the kid’s eyes and asked her to spell the Oudins’ mantra, “Believe”, that was written on her shirt. B-E-L-E-I-V-E, the kid said. After embarrassing the girl, Pam said some lame-ass joke and sneakily ran away.

Seriously, someone was on a fire yesterday.

*This means that there will be no episode of my soap Guiding Light on. FU CBS.

Today’s Preview: Russian Slayer x Danish Cutie

September 9th, 2009 • 2 comments caro the danish cutie, melanie oudin new goat

Tomorrow, at 7 pm, on the largest tennis stadium of the world, the official Cinderella of this year’s U.S. Open will play the most hated cutie ever, Caro Wozniacki. Why would anyone hate that little piece of Scandinavian sunshine, you ask? Because according to the brainless ballbashers fans, Caro, and even new GOAT Oudin, are “pushers”. You don’t know what pushers are? It’s ok. Let the source of all online knowledge, Wikipedia, enlighten you:

In tennis, a pusher is a player who “pushes” back any shot they can chase down, without deliberately hitting a winner. This style of play, likened to a “human backboard”, often tires and frustrates more skilled opponents.

What does this mean? It means that if a player is a retriever and prefers to build the point before finally going for the kill — she’s a pusher. If your opponent is an idiot that goes for the winner in every ball and often makes tons of mistakes, you know what you should do? Go for the winner too! Why would you want to simply put the ball in play and win easily? Where would the fun in tennis be, Miss Pusher? Inconsistency and risky balls, that’s all that tennis is about! … No? Well, then, let’s continue on the wiki article. There are some very interest information on how pushers are in their natural habitat, the tennis court and how to deal with these creatures.

First, players try to never let the pusher see them frustrated. A pusher’s mental game is very important to them, and an opponent who is obviously tired and angry will make them more confident. Players need to stay calm and focused to outlast and beat pushers. In a similar vein, pushers will often complain loudly to themselves when losing, occasionally with the intent of rattling their opponent

So, little useless headcase Caro that manages to always lose important Slam matches like against Dokic at the Australian Open or Jankovic at Wimbledon… she’s just faking it! She’s probably losing on purpose to mess with the players’ heads. Oh, that little smartass! The article continues on to prove said theory.

Some pushers will go to lengths attempting to psychologically abuse their opponents. In order to trip up a player, a pusher may deliberately question the score and line calls; players counter this by clearly denoting their line calls and by loudly and obviously stating the score before each point. Not only will this give the pusher fewer opportunities to act confused, but will also help the player’s case if a referee’s intervention is required.

So, girl in pink shoes with 15-year-old boyfriend? Dork that has never been drunk? Mama’s boy? Adorable sister? Don’t let them trick you! They’re all evil, evil, evil, pushers that are here just to ruin the sport FOREVAH.

For all that’s worth, every tennis fan should cheer for a player whose style pleases them the most. Or, if not for that, for any other reason they like. I like big retrievers and I like counterpunchers, so I’ll just leave her my advice for both Caro and Oudin tomorrow, in a Salt-n-Pepa cover style:

Go America… wait, what?

September 6th, 2009 • ace ace andy, bb safina, demented, john isner, maria shutupova, melanie oudin new goat

It’s almost 4 am as I write this but, what can I say, I wanted to post this before going to bed. So, please, pardon the grammar and altogether fhddfsjdjdjdjdj that is presented at this unholy time.

I’m not American and I’m not used to cheering for Americans in sports. But today? Bloody good day for American tennis.

It all started with the second match of the day on Ashe. 17-year-old Melanie Oudin defeated another seeded player in a row and ousted Maria Sharapova in a thriller three-setter 3-6 6-4 7-5. Sure it was full of unforced errors and double faults, Oudin herself played in a worse level than she did in her match against Elena. However, the crowd was completely into it. As a spectator from the other side of the continent, I can say I was screaming at the TV and tweeting in all caps (see how srs it was?). I think people forget what sport really is about. It’s not about clean stats and perfect percentages. It’s about getting fans excited, anxious, sentimental. It was a match full of drama that gave the local crowd the pleasure of seeing their homegirl leave the court teary-eyed after being victorious. It’s about the emotion, folks.

The last day match (when it finished, it wasn’t so much as day), certainly had the emotional fact down.

6″9′ John Isner defeated the biggest American hope, Andy Roddick, at his own game. It took him 38 aces, almost four hours, and a fifth-set tiebreak to beat the national poster child. And he did. This match was the epitome of  American hardcourt tennis. Two Americans, in the Central Court of Flushing Meadows, acing each other to death. And, as a bonus, with the underdog taking the win. Great stuff for the crowd, locals and American TV stations, I guess.

P.S. We’ll close our eyes and pretend Dina-Kvitova never happened. It’s easier on my heart.

Quickies.

September 5th, 2009 • 1 comment caro the danish cutie, demented, kiri's bf, laura "tiny pack of british awesomeness" robson, maria shutupova, melanie oudin new goat, muzzah, roger failderer, sorana banana, the radwanskas, williamses

My two picks of fun matches today:

• These babies against Sharapova. Believe.
• TEAM QT against each other. Cheering for the blonde.

Random/LOLtastic news:

• Really good article on NYT on how the order-of-play is decided. (via Savannah’s World)
• Andy Murray and Laura Robson to play Hopman Cup 2010. Another cool team and very good experience for the Tiny Pack of British Awesomeness. My heart will be torn between cheering for them or Elena Dementieva and Kiri’s bf Igor Andreev representing Russia.
• Aga Radwanska: “I will never play doubles with Ula again!” Rofl. I love you kids.
• Venus Williams hates paleontologists. Ross Geller not amused.
• PAPArazzi Failderer.