Yesterday, we had an exhibition in Kiev, Ukraine with quite a few stars: Victoria Azarenka, Caroline Wozniacki, Anna Kournikova, David Ferrer and Tommy Robredo. This exhibition was also a valid opportunity for me to go “HEEEE VIKA AND CARO ILU BABIES GO CONQUER THE TOUR” except more calmly. A lot more calmly,  I promise.

They played a set, in which Caro won 7-5. I’m sure Caro pushed the balls and Vika hit them as hard as she could.

They made out after the match because Vika found out she was going get some shiny present for Christmas. Not a puppy though. Maybe an engagement ring?

After the singles match, Vika parterned up with Tommy to play against fucking rockstar, Anna Kournikova and David Ferrer.

Vika/Tommy defeated Anna K./Ferru 6-3. Anna K. wasn’t as amused as Vika by the outcome.

BONUS: Victoria Azarenka thinks ridiculous hats are fashionable. Bless that lil’ chavtastic Belarussian.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t heartbroken.

This past season and half, I’ve hardly been a Marat fan. I did try but it would normally end in heartbreak. At most times, Marat would lose without even trying. Since he announced his retirement, he played all matches this year like he couldn’t actually give a fuck if he won or not. In press conferences, he would whine like a big baby and talk about how boring it was to be a tennis player. I certainly wasn’t going to be the one that cared.

His tournament in Paris was his last. This is the most special Masters (or ATP 1000, whatever) for Marat. He won three times there. In Paris, with his last strokes as professional tennis player, he cared. In the first round, he saved match points and clutched a tight victory. Today, he fought hard again. He wanted to win. He saved break points in the second to take the match to a final set. He managed to save match points but, this time, it only made the result be postponed for a bit. He lost to Delpo but he sure as hell went down fighting.

I don’t believe even the most delusional fan had hopes to see him take the title. I think it was a quite proud defeat. It wasn’t embarrassing as I had expected.

After the match, there was a ceremony on court. Marat got an award. A bunch of players (pictured above) went to honor him. A video of his best moments on tour was showed on the big screen. It was pretty sweet. You could see he was getting emotional but Marat is too much of a SexGod to tear up.

Marat was easily my favourite ATP player when growing up. I was 10 when he won the U.S. Open and I had the biggest crush on him. At 14, when he won the Australian Open, I still intended on marrying him. We’d live in a house in Moscow, mock The Da Vinci Code and watch David Lynch films in bed. It was a mighty life plan, let me add that.

I hope he now does whatever pleases him the most. Which I’m sure will involve wooing attractive blonde girls like he so loves. He can run for president, form a boyband, cure cancer, conquer the world. Oh, Marat, I’ll still marry you if you so insist.

I’ll leave you guys with a bit of vintage!Marat. Here’s the Russian in the Late Show With David Letterman in 2000. This was after he won over Sampras his first Slam. You can tell he was a rockstar even then.

Farewell, babe. ♥

Earlier today, top 5 player Caroline Wozniacki played homegirl Anne Kremer in the first round of Luxembourg. It was a tough first set. Lots of running, lots of moonballs. She requested a medical time-out and got her left leg all taped up. She took it 7-5. Right in the beginning of the second, she got a break. She remained having problems with the injury — specially with her serve. She couldn’t put all her weight on the left leg. But even then, soon, she was leading 3-0. During the changeover, she requested coaching. Her dad and coach, Piotr, came on court. Reports say (my report is a tennis message board — trustworthy, I know) that he said to her, “At 5-0 up ask for the trainer once again and quit, you’re not gonna play next match anyway so let them have some joy”. She did.

I was watching, the injury was real. After the match, she left the court limping with a woman by her side aiding her to carry her gear. She has been playing way too many tournaments, she’s obviously exhausted. I can still understand her decision to play Luxembourg though. Last year, it was an amazing tournament for her. The final against Elena Dementieva was one of my favourite matches of the year. It was close and exciting. She lost having wasted a match point in a third set tiebreak. But Caroline’s not only a professional tennis player, but a top five one at that. It’s time for her to sit down with her fitness trainer and coach and cut down some tournaments. She’s young but she can’t keep up with these 20+ tourneys for much long. She definitely shouldn’t be playing all these weeks in a row when the YEC is literally around the corner.

A big issue that has been raised in this is regarding the betting. Any person that was watching the match (and spoke Polish) could have put money against Caroline and made profit in a 1:100 ratio. If you put 100 bucks, you’d win 10,000. Ruh-roh. Whose exactly fault is this? Piotr’s, for telling his daughter to retire? Caroline’s, for retiring? Kremer’s, for not being to defeat a dead woman walking? Or the WTA’s? For allowing this on-court coaching madness to happen in the first place?

I think it’s the WTA’s. Sure, most players receive coaching from their standing anyways. The WTA is only making it “legal” and at definite times. It’s also good for avoiding (or trying to avoid) meltdowns. But when a person who’s close to the player, like, let’s say, her dad, comes on court to tell them what to do… That has all the potential to go wrong, doesn’t it?

Caroline was sure she wasn’t going to play the next round. It was the smart thing to do. What she was advised by her coach was to make the home crowd happy. Instead of her giving her second round opponent a walk over and gaining a small number of points and prize money, she’d let Luxembourg have one of their players in the second round. I fail to understand how that makes her the bad guy (or girl, in this case). Maybe stupid for entering the tournament in the first place, but definitely not bad. (But seriously, very very stupid.)

This little event only made me reinforce my opinion regarding on-court coaching: it shouldn’t be allowed. Tennis is an individual sport. Having other people that aren’t the players directly interfere with the outcome is a terrible idea. It’s a sport famous for its mental aspect. The WTA is basically making the brain part less important. Dumbing women’s tennis down, let’s say. The players that have the ability to keep calm and change their game plan during the match will be in the same level of the players that simply do not. It’s okay, it’s not like any of us miss smart players like Martina Hingis and Justine Henin, right?

Vika. In shorts!

“Is that really blog-worthy?”, you might ask. “Yes”, I’d say, “It’s my blog, shut up.”

I love tennis skirts. I even prefer to play in skirts, they look cuter. But when every WTA-er is playing in one… it gets boring. I wonder if it’s a femininity thing. Because the girls are professional athletes, with strong muscles and all, maybe they feel like they get girlier in skirts. If that’s the case: fail, ladies, fail. Most of the time, a fitting pair of short shorts look a lot more feminine and sexier than these loose dresses at the hips they wear.

If you’re a professional tennis player reading this and you’re wondering what to wear next season, let me help you. I imagine the headband is a given. So let’s continue on the shorts — which type suits you best.

Considered one of the sport’s greatest fashion style, Anna K. knew how to wear her shorts.

The belt is what makes the outfit. In both cases, it’s used to complement the bi-colour scheme. Simple, feminine and stylish. Even Elena Dementieva wore a rip-off (+ ridiculously amounts of FAIL) from Yonex.

Another player that was famous for her short-wearing was crazy, crazy Nastya Myskina. When she isn’t on reality shows, making out with girlbands members or riding horses naked… she is wearing shorts! Trufax.

And to finish this (because oh my goodness, it was serious HARD), lovely Daniela Hantuchova and Yanina Wickmayer.

Today’s Lesson: LESS dresses that make you look like you’re pregnant, MORE shorts.

Professional tennis players, feel free to e-mail me for fashion help. It will only cost a small fee. Ty.

My opinion on this? If it isn’t a performance-enhancing drug, then it shouldn’t be forbidden by the ITF.

P.S. Bring Marti back.

ETA: U guise, I just realized something. Reeshard is the Lindsay Lohan of tennis: young, “talented”, gay and snorting coke!

That cover-up top just wins at life. Lime Green? Yes. Pink stripes? Yes plz. And I don’t think I even have to comment on the shoes. I’ve been in love with them ever since I saw Vika Azarenka wearing them, it was love at first sight. So much colours, so little time.

And on the Men’s side, the fashion keeps on going hard. Rafa‘s this year’s collection has been nothing but great. The Lime Green/Light Blue shorts he had at the Aussie Open were gorgeous. Every time I looked at him I would have Gwen Stefani‘s Bubble Pop Electric on my head. That’s a good sign btw.

Yellow/Orange/Pink have always been my favourite colours for the clay season, so I’m really really hoping he wears this shiny pink polo. Even if just for practicing, it’s a beautiful shirt. The shoes? Gor-geous. I love the bull. I only hope that it doesn’t become Rafa’s version of Federer‘s RF. We all know how they like to milk it. Evil corporation of doom, why do you create such pretty things that I must own?