So let’s recap what happened since I left: Novak is now a’ thing’, Rafa has confidence issues, Caro is half of a sport supercouple, Vika still gets injured frequently, Serena will always be the ‘one to beat’. And apparently Federer remains playing tennis? Jesus, old dude, retire already. No one likes you!

ALSO: I went to Wimbledon in June! I have some pictures but they’re not very good. They’re mostly of Pico Monaco‘s face and me rocking a hat that became deformed after two weeks. I also camped. For two nights. Wearing a ‘Vamos Rafa!’ t-shirt. Yes, I’m one of those people.

In non-tennis news: The Daily Dot is a very fun website for news to related to the ‘internet world’ and apparently I’m into hip hop now? I don’t even know either. It’s hard out here for a pimp.

• Andrea Petkovic won a tough match. Most importantly: she didn’t choke. Ok, she did, but what matters is she still won. ESPN was rewarded with a blog. It’s wonderful. I want to marry her.  I’m afraid I don’t stand a chance. (Or do I? CALL ME, PETKO. 555-I-AM-A-FIERCE-BITCH-BABY)
• Remember the Stella dress I was very excited to see? I’m eager to take a look at the rest of it, like, say, the bit that covers Caroline Wozniacki‘s ass. I bet it’s AMAZING.
• Victoria Azarenka broke my heart. Must be Wednesday.
• Someone is looking like a fierce bitch in all-black, and it ain’t Roger Federer.
• ‘Whine, whine, whine, whine’–my article on Andy Roddick‘s loss.

That’s it, I think. I missed you kids. Did you guys miss me? Don’t answer that.

• I hate grass
• Lena is injured and not playing
• Vika is injured
• Kiri is injured
• Pekotrazzi is injured…. mentally
• I’m not so confident about Rafa‘s chances
• Sammy‘s kick serve doesn’t work on the surface
• Etc.

And we’ll just say….

BRING. IT. ON.

How French. Now all we need is to start raining wine. Imagine that.

Yep, that’s about it.

Amazing, amazing, amazing, amazing, ∞….

The ladies draw is here and the ‘Rafa + some other dudes’ draw is here.

If I’m being honest, the arrival of the holy tournament is quite bittersweet for me this year. It’s odd looking at the Parisien draw after I was just there last season. The overall feeling I have is ‘WOW, I HOPE THE OOP IS KIND TO ME — I WANT TO BE ABLE TO TAKE KIRI PICS AND GET TO LENA V.’S COURT IN TIME TO WATCH HER GET BAGELED’ #2009feelings. But, you know, I’m not in Paris. There will be no Kiri pics (but there will possibly be a Lena V. bagel?), no stalking watching Sven and Sorana Banana hanging out, no fun court-changing, no long queues to watch Wicky, no watching players pass you without people realizing who they are (‘Omg it’s Galina Voskoboeva, why does she look so tall?’).  It’s ok, I’ll survive. There’s always next year, am I right, am I right? Don’t answer that, readers.

I promise I’ll try doing a very good blogging job. Goodness knows how much I love this tournament. I’ll start by saying first round encounters I’m excited to watch (copying and pasting from twitter ftw):

• Kuz-Sorana (Kuz defends the title, poor Sorana defends quarters)
• Pavs-Cornet (Get it, annoying French Open crowd)
• Mollie-JJ (*weeps*)
• Aga-Bally (I really enjoy saying ‘Bally‘)
• Gise-my gf Vika (HEADBAND BATTLE — glorious!)
• Flavs-AKO (Anne is still, slowly, coming back from a knee surgery. GET IN, THOUGH?)

And, omg, the one that will break my heart and my heart only:

• Andrea Petkovic (I still need to come out with a suitable nickname for her. Pet? Tall German? I’m taking suggestions.) versus Elena ‘No, I don’t win matches, don’t ask why this idiotic Fierce Tennis blogger likes me’ Vesnina. IDKKKK, you guys. This probably won’t even be televised but I’m sure I’ll be holding my breath while looking at the scoreboard. (I say 6-3 6-0 ‘Pet’.) I’m cool like that.

To those that speak Portuguese, there’s a post on who I consider the favourites for Roland Garros over at Saque e Voleio. But I’m sure all of you Brazilians already read the blog. Oh, well.

(lol, no, WordPress, I will not tag this)

• I get sucked up in actual news (lol) and journalism integrity (lol) to actually post stuff that makes me happy.
• Tennis has the tendencies to make me whine. I already whine enough in public.

What I will try doing to fix it:

• Post stuff that pleases me. A.k.a., go back to naming this place the official spot to fangirl over Rafa/Vika/Caro/The Radwanskas.

What pleases me:

• My boy looking delicious.

Carry on.

From a translation over here:

“Practice with Tuesday’s hitting partner is going to be very important,” says Rodriguez. “I want many long rallies. After all, Dementieva can turn the match into a demolition job.”

“The final against Kim gave a wrong idea of the level that Justine can reach at the moment. Justine had to wait for Kim to lapse to get into that match.”

“But you don’t get a chance like that every match. I would like to see Justine get the victory herself against Dementieva. But I think it’s too early for that. Give us another two months.”

“The expectations are too high. No, I don’t think it will end well against Dementieva. Except for Kim, no one can currently reach her level of play.”

If I were to bet on this match, I’d say whoever takes it, will win 2-0. I think it all depends on Elena‘s head. If she (or them, her + her special lil’ head) shows up to play, she can easily win, just like she did with Serena last week at Sydney. If she’s in one of her, let’s say, “inspired” days, I think this match could easily go to a rusty Henin.

The match will take place at Rod Laver Arena at 7pm Melbourne time. Should be a good one.

Here’s the list of names in the order as they’re said:

Philipp Kohlschreiber, Andreas Beck, Mischa Zverev, Simon Greul, Tommy Haas, Bjorn Phau, Rainer Schuettler, Juan Martín Del Potro, David Nalbandian, Juan Mónaco, José Acasuso, Martín Vassallo Arguello, Horacio Zeballos, Máximo González, Kim Clijsters, Justine Henin, Kristof Vliegen, Cristophe Rochus, Yanina Wickmayer, Kirsten Flipkens, Olivier Rochus, Steve Darcis, Thomaz Bellucci, André Sá, Marcelo Melo, Thiago Alves, Bruno Soares, Marcos Daniel, Jie Zheng, Na Li, Shuai Peng, Marin Cilic, Ivan Ljubicic, Mario Ancic, Ivo Karlovic, Fernando Verdasco, Nicolás Almagro, Marcel Granollers, Rubén Ramírez Hidalgo, Carlos Moyá, Rafael Nadal, Sam Querrey, John Isner, Wayne Odesnik, James Blake, Andy Roddick, Melanie Oudin, Serena Williams, Venus Williams, Marion Bartoli, Alizé Cornet, Amélie Mauresmo, Gilles Simon, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Gael Monfils, Anne Keothavong, James Ward, Andy Murray, Laura Robson, Francesca Schiavone, Roberta Vinci, Tathiana Garbin, Fabio Fognini, Simone Bolelli, Potito Starace, Agnieszka Radwanska, Urszula Radwanska, Marat Safin, Dinara Safina, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Elena Dementieva, Mikhail Youzhny, Nadia Petrova, Vera Zvonareva, Alisa Kleybanova, Maria Sharapova, Ana Ivanovic, Jelena Jankovic, Novak Djokovic, Janko Tipsarevic, Victor Troicki, Tomas Berdych, Radek Stepanek, Petra Kvitova, Ivo Minar, Lucie Safarova, Patty Schnyder, Marco Chuidinelli, Timea Baczinsky, Stefanie Voegele, Stanislas Wawrinka, Roger Federer, Ayumi Morita, Ai Sugiyama, Kei Nishikori, Kimiko Date-Krumm, Aiko Nakamura.

Watch the video here.