The shallow

October 1st, 2009 • 1 comment danka, demented, nastya myskina, spice girls, tennis players are rockstars too, vika azarenka, yanina wickmayer

I’ve a watched a total of one match in Tokyo: the Pavs-Venus one. I do not have the hypocrisy to comment on the tennis. I could look at the stats, read the articles and come up with my own thoughts but not having actually watched the matches, I’d feel like I was lying. Therefore, I’ll comment on what I can:

Vika. In shorts!

“Is that really blog-worthy?”, you might ask. “Yes”, I’d say, “It’s my blog, shut up.”

I love tennis skirts. I even prefer to play in skirts, they look cuter. But when every WTA-er is playing in one… it gets boring. I wonder if it’s a femininity thing. Because the girls are professional athletes, with strong muscles and all, maybe they feel like they get girlier in skirts. If that’s the case: fail, ladies, fail. Most of the time, a fitting pair of short shorts look a lot more feminine and sexier than these loose dresses at the hips they wear.

If you’re a professional tennis player reading this and you’re wondering what to wear next season, let me help you. I imagine the headband is a given. So let’s continue on the shorts — which type suits you best.

Considered one of the sport’s greatest fashion style, Anna K. knew how to wear her shorts.

The belt is what makes the outfit. In both cases, it’s used to complement the bi-colour scheme. Simple, feminine and stylish. Even Elena Dementieva wore a rip-off (+ ridiculously amounts of FAIL) from Yonex.

Another player that was famous for her short-wearing was crazy, crazy Nastya Myskina. When she isn’t on reality shows, making out with girlbands members or riding horses naked… she is wearing shorts! Trufax.

And to finish this (because oh my goodness, it was serious HARD), lovely Daniela Hantuchova and Yanina Wickmayer.

Today’s Lesson: LESS dresses that make you look like you’re pregnant, MORE shorts.

Professional tennis players, feel free to e-mail me for fashion help. It will only cost a small fee. Ty.

Oy.

September 29th, 2009 • 2 comments vika azarenka

Remember how I neglect this place because of the DISASTER that hits the players I like?

Oh yes, it happened. Again. For like, the billionth time this year in the Wta.

It’s only Tuesday and the top 6 seeds, including the defending champion and finalist, are all already out. Oyyyyyyyyyyyy.

At least Vika is still cute….?

Glow in the dark stick

September 6th, 2009 • maria shutupova, tennis players are fashionists too, the radwanskas, vika azarenka

If we forget the actual tennis for a second, we can focus on the really important stuff: Sharapova‘s day dress.

First, according to TheDailyForehand twitter (I have no desire in fact checking that), the “last time Sharapova debuted a new daytime dress in the 3rd round after night matches in a different outfit, she lost to Radwanska“. Amusing.

Now, let’s talk about the outfit. It’s explained why Sharapova had shoes that didn’t match her silver night dress at all. They were for this lovely ensemble. The bright yellow detail on her white shoes matched… the stripes on her dress… that also matched… the contour of the visor… that also matched the… wait for it… TENNIS BALL. Why yes, I do love it, how can you tell? I just have a couple of questions about the outfit:

1. Does it glow in the dark?
2. Can I get a “tennis ball” yellow headband with that?

And it’s possible the “Headband Curse” that is going on has the opposite effect on Sharapova. Ever since Vika started wearing the HoS (Headband of Sex), her slump started. But when Sharapova plays without one, she loses. Coincidence? I think not. Discuss.

On the next FierceTennis post, I’ll teach you guys how to make your own Sharapova U.S. Open 2009 day outfit. All you’ll need is a Wimbledon dress, a pink and a yellow highlighter.

Stay tuned.

FML.

September 4th, 2009 • 3 comments francesca schiavone, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, na li, squeaky shoes ivanovic, vika azarenka

I completely understand this year’s USO is one of these tourneys where everyone I even remotely care about loses early. But some things, just some things, are totally uncalled for. And these things, they not just hurt me, but they also also harm the ratings, increase the number of suicides and make the Wimbledon’s officials really, really sad. So I’m just throwing this one out there so  someone explains to me how we went from this possible match-up:

x

To get this?

x

I don’t get it. Why do the pretty girls need to be such headcases? So much frakkin’ talent and yet so brainless. Anyway.

Maria Kirilenko, congrulations on finally getting another third round at a slam. Next time, let’s make into the second week, yeah?

Victoria Azarenka, you’re an idiot. Please get your shit together and end this slump.

Oh yes, all the credit to Na Li and Fran. As Ana would say, the way you look doesn’t help you win points on a tennis court. But sometimes, you sure wish it did. I’m sure Ana would agree with me.

Today’s Outfits: The Best Of

August 31st, 2009 • 4 comments Kimilf Clijsters, bepa z., beth mattek the official wta fashionist, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, maria shutupova, tennis players are fashionists too, the radwanskas, vika azarenka, viktoriya kutuzova, williamses

I’ll start with Fierce Tennis‘ official girlcrush, Vika.

Same Wimbledon outfit but in different colours.  The headband is still sexy and — if possible — even sexier in bright yellow but the top is still unflattering as hell. She should have stuck with the black long-sleeved shirt worn during warmup. THAT was looking good.

The conclusive proof headbands are soooo in.

Bethanie Mattek-Sands has one! (and lol @ the socks, I guess it could always be worse with Beth)

Fila tried to do this “old school” look for Kim Clijsters. I like the bag, the rest is… *yawn*.

Serena‘s dress is equally plain but SHOES! I love them.

And on Kiri‘s first tournament as a non-Stella girl… she still looks hot. Shocker.

Good looks: always helps when you don’t have a designer outfit.

One of my favourites: Kutuzova‘s green dress that was supposed to be worn by Sharapova at the Australian Open. Gawjuz.

Bepa Zvonareva kept it clean and simple. Very pretty as well.

I would have preferred if she wore this though. Maybe on her next match?

And to finish this, rumors say this is what Urszula Radwanska will wear on her match tomorrow:

I see.

I’d comment on Men’s fashion but everything is dull and the only thing worth mentioning is this ridiculous Adidas t-shirt worn by Mathieu. EPIC FAIL, three stripes.

Cute pictures for the mourning Lena fans

August 16th, 2009 • 1 comment bondarenkos, caro the danish cutie, demented, the radwanskas, vika azarenka

Because I do believe by now, we should all be used from this sort of FAIL coming from Elena Dementieva. We should but, alas, we’re not. We, Lena fans, are too blind by the love to even hate her or even simply be mad at her. We’re hopeless fanatics. We just feel sad and hope the next time, she’ll able to COVERT THE FREAKIN’ MATCH POINTS. *sigh* I might need tennis rehab.

The way I choose to deal with it? Cute pics of the players being adorbs.

Vika being a dork + Alona and Princess + My Polish Trio.

And in case anyone is interested, requested by a friend, I added a new page: Top 5 Women’s Tennis Outfits.

Lists are fun, eh?

Sharapova Arrested for Breaking and Entering

August 14th, 2009 • 3 comments maria shutupova, vika azarenka

by Bamilla Celle, special correspondent for Fierce Tennis

NEW YORK — Police today happened upon a strange scene in the Plaza Hotel when tennis ace Maria Sharapova was found breaking and entering into a fellow player’s room.

The victim, 20 year old tennis player Victoria Azarenka, was asleep when Miss Sharapova forced her way into the 20th floor suite. Upon hearing an angered grunt, Miss Azarenka quickly phoned hotel security, who in turn phoned the New York City Police. However, instead of finding an intruder, they found something much more disturbing.

According to police reports and eyewitness accounts, Miss Sharapova was found in tears, angrily tearing apart what looked to be some kind of headgear while muttering, “She can’t have this. She can’t have this! It should only belong to me.” Strewn across the room were various headbands that she brought with her.

One witness tells us, “It was dreadful. I was awoken when I heard banging outside my door. When I opened it, I saw the police quickly rush into the room across the hall and drag out a woman foaming at the mouth with some kind of cloth tied around her head. I had no idea it was Maria Sharapova until somebody told me. I must say, she looks far better without my glasses on.”

A source close to Sharapova informed us that she had been dumped from a long term relationship and was jealous of the headbands that Miss Azarenka had been sporting during the French Open.

“She tried to forget about the headbands. She tried visors, baseball caps, everything. But nothing worked. She just had to have that headband. It was painful to watch her go through it.”

Eventually, she donned her own headband, but was still displeased with the results.

“When she saw Victoria wearing that headband, she thought that they would bring her ex back to her. But, when it didn’t work, she started becoming obsessed. I think she had this delusion in her mind that her ex and Victoria were involved, somehow!”

When questioned, Miss Azarenka simply stated, “She jealous that I am hot one, no?” and went back to bed.

While it is unlikely that Sharapova will face imprisonment for her actions, this could have a profound effect on her endorsements. Her status in the US Open is unknown at this time.

Talented tennis player is talented

August 14th, 2009 • demented, maria shutupova, vika azarenka, weird! heterosexuality.

I was going to come here and whine about Vika. Basically, I’d say she’s a hot mess (emphasis on the mess) and that eleven double faults is only acceptable if your last name is Dementieva. And, honestly, not even Lena serves this badly nowadays. If Vika wants to be a top 5, win a slam, the whole shebang, the needs to improve that 85mph serve. Get a serve coach. Lena got Richard Krajicek. Maybe Vika should stop by in the qualifying rounds and ask Misa for his phone number. You know, just a thought.

Moving on. I don’t know if you guys are familiar with this, but Maria Sharapova has this section on her website called “Weekly Doodles”. Go there, click on the “Off The Court” and then on the “Weekly Doodles” and laugh your ass off. My friend, who obviously has as much time on her hands as me, wrote this hilarious satire of her doodles. I decided to post her because, what the hell, I’m still mourning the loss/slump of my #1 girlcrush. I could use some cheering up.

Maria’s Weekly Doodles

Hi everyone! just got back from training with michael, boy is he a tough workout. anyways we were talking in the car about celbrities that we wuld want to be stranded on a dessert island with and my top 5 were
1) orlando bloom – omg he’s soooooooooooo cute i love him and if he was just so sweet when i met him in paris <3
2) johnny depp – hes a great actor and soo hott
3) brad pitt – i luv him in mr & mrs smith. angelina is one lucky woman!!!! ;)
4) george cloony – his voice is so sexii and camilla was in that nespresso commercial with him … definitely convinced me to buy a nespresso machine he he :)
5) zac efron – i only saw the first high school musical on a plane but he is so cuteeee and i luv the fact that he can sing because thats exactly what im looking for in a man someone who can sing and is just a man heh he i dont know if you can tell but i love boys!!!!!!! now if only there were some good ones left…ladies u know what i mean ;)

well, for the rest of the day i think i am just going to chill after i see my physical therapst. in fact i think me and camilla are staying in tonight from all that wild partying with hott boys to watch my favorite movie how to lose a guy in 10 days!!!! :) :) :) :) :) (this is what a happy maria looks like, michael) omg, matthew mcconagey hes so hot and cute!! i cant believe i forgot him

ill decide where he fits in later :)

love you all xx
Maria

I’ll end this with a lefty:

WTA eyecandy

August 12th, 2009 • caro the danish cutie, kiri is 2 hot 4 u, vika azarenka

Two pictures. One of Vika walking around in Indian Wells — proving that clothes are overrated. And the second is of, everyone’s favourite choker, Makiri, after losing 6-7 3-6 to JJ today.

And just because if there’s no Caro, then I’m not a happy girl: Danish Cutie meeting David Beckham and the other “stars” of LA Galaxy.

The WTA obviously didn’t check that she’s a Liverpool fan and would have a much more adorable reaction if she was meeting Torres instead of Becks. Also, amusing how those footballers have no idea who she is and still try to make it sound like they know something. Poor girl looks embarrassed.

WTA players strip. Shocker.

August 12th, 2009 • 4 comments bondarenkos, chaky, domi cibulkova, vika azarenka

Remember the photoshoot from the French FHM with Alona Bondarenko, Dominika Cibulkova, Victoria Azarenka and Anna Chakvetadze? The one where this pic of Vika came from? Sure you do, I even own that magazine. Now we have new ones that were published at, what I believe is, the British FHM here.

I’ve heard some say the pictures look trashy. But, honestly, it’s a photoshoot for effin’ FHM, I’m just glad the players didn’t have to pose with melting ice creams between their legs. I think they all look good, except Chaky. I’m still bothered by her trying to be “sexy”. The bangs and braid make her look like she’s twelve. The fact she acts like this doesn’t help either. Wrong wrong wrong.