Talented tennis player is talented

August 14th, 2009 • demented, maria shutupova, vika azarenka, weird! heterosexuality.

I was going to come here and whine about Vika. Basically, I’d say she’s a hot mess (emphasis on the mess) and that eleven double faults is only acceptable if your last name is Dementieva. And, honestly, not even Lena serves this badly nowadays. If Vika wants to be a top 5, win a slam, the whole shebang, the needs to improve that 85mph serve. Get a serve coach. Lena got Richard Krajicek. Maybe Vika should stop by in the qualifying rounds and ask Misa for his phone number. You know, just a thought.

Moving on. I don’t know if you guys are familiar with this, but Maria Sharapova has this section on her website called “Weekly Doodles”. Go there, click on the “Off The Court” and then on the “Weekly Doodles” and laugh your ass off. My friend, who obviously has as much time on her hands as me, wrote this hilarious satire of her doodles. I decided to post her because, what the hell, I’m still mourning the loss/slump of my #1 girlcrush. I could use some cheering up.

Maria’s Weekly Doodles

Hi everyone! just got back from training with michael, boy is he a tough workout. anyways we were talking in the car about celbrities that we wuld want to be stranded on a dessert island with and my top 5 were
1) orlando bloom – omg he’s soooooooooooo cute i love him and if he was just so sweet when i met him in paris <3
2) johnny depp – hes a great actor and soo hott
3) brad pitt – i luv him in mr & mrs smith. angelina is one lucky woman!!!! ;)
4) george cloony – his voice is so sexii and camilla was in that nespresso commercial with him … definitely convinced me to buy a nespresso machine he he :)
5) zac efron – i only saw the first high school musical on a plane but he is so cuteeee and i luv the fact that he can sing because thats exactly what im looking for in a man someone who can sing and is just a man heh he i dont know if you can tell but i love boys!!!!!!! now if only there were some good ones left…ladies u know what i mean ;)

well, for the rest of the day i think i am just going to chill after i see my physical therapst. in fact i think me and camilla are staying in tonight from all that wild partying with hott boys to watch my favorite movie how to lose a guy in 10 days!!!! :) :) :) :) :) (this is what a happy maria looks like, michael) omg, matthew mcconagey hes so hot and cute!! i cant believe i forgot him

ill decide where he fits in later :)

love you all xx
Maria

I’ll end this with a lefty:

Two gays make a straight

July 20th, 2009 • 1 comment F-Lo, carlos, forza!, holy rafa, wags, weird! heterosexuality.

I’m pretty sure there will never be a sports fandom as entertaining as tennis. Football is a close second, with the boys constantly getting arrested and with all the famous WAGs like the fabulous Cheryl Cole and the skinny bitch Victoria Beckham. But tennis? On tennis we have the boys dating the lesbian icons and that’s enough to have me lol-ing for all eternity. It all started with Haas dating Sara Foster — and me going “TOMMY IS DATING AMY! FROM D.E.B.S.! AMY!! OH LOLOLOL”. After that, we had Feli awkwardly posing with model-turned-actress Laura Sánchez.

Sánchez, when not posing with hot tennis players, plays a cop that likes to make out with redheaded girls in v. appropriate places such as labs and parking lots in the Spanish TV show Los Hombres de Paco.

Now, to leave me amused FOR-EVER, Carlos Moya is dating Carolina Cerezuela.

Okay, so, technically he’s been dating her for a while but I hadn’t recognized her. When I saw Carlos at the Madrid Open with her, my thoughts were “Why is his hair like that? I don’t like it. What a manwhore he is, cheated on Flavia. Who’s that girl though? I’ve seen her somewhere” and such. I wasn’t really focused on finding out who his girlfriend was. So when my friend pointed out on her twitter that Carlos was dating an actress from Hospital Central, everything clicked. And by clicked, I mean I reacted like “OMG IT’S VERO, CARLOS IS DATING VERO. VERO OMG. GAY VERO FROM HOSPITAL CENTRAL! VERO!”*

So, anyway, given that most people here are familiar with Carlos Moya, I’ll post this video of his girlfriend so you can all find it amusing he’s dating VERO FROM HOSPITAL CENTRAL (capslock needed):

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hN5QaYcfgg]

Tennis, you guys, I love it. Even when there’s not a single tournament I care about going on.

BONUS: I feel like this picspam at iheartrafa of Rafa Nadal clinging boys is very appropriated for this post.

*and I don’t even watch Hospital Cental. Or any Spanish shows — I should mention that. But still, lol.

The first fierce post goes to…

April 21st, 2009 • 2 comments the radwanskas, weird! heterosexuality.

Urszula Radwanska!

I think I only say fierce because Ula is such a lovely thing to look at. Because we could easily replace “fierce” by “fail” “non-fierce”. Honestly, bb!Radwanska, partying with random girly blond guys sounds like such a Jankovic thing to do. We expected greater things from you little bit, look at your sister, she’s a prime example of awesome. You should ashamed. Tsc tsc.

And I kind of feel bad for Aga. It must suck when your 17-year-old little sister is infinite times hotter than you. You can always say you are cooler and you managed to make Sharapova fans hate you until this day. There are better things in life than being easy on the eyes. One of them is having bandwagoners and haters.