Yesterday we had the first day of Roland Garros. Most players I like did that they do best: lost. At least Kiri won her first round match. I consider that a vast improvement since last year she lost to the pre-pubescent Australian WC. It’s not like  she could have found a more pathetic player to lose to. It’s not like she drew Chaky on the first round or something — ha ha!

(Will not talk about Vika.)

Anyway.

Caro bagelled a lady and won her match in two easy sets. Apparently everything’s ok with her ankle? Not important. The important thing is ‘Omgggggg Caro, Aga and Ula are qtest that ever qt’d’. No, seriously. They are. Watch this.

ALSO: This happened.

What.

WELL THEN.

Why is this relevant to tennis?

Serena was worried.

(Britbrit screencap via Popjustice)

Serena Williams defeated today Venus Williams 6-2 7-6(4) to take the WTA Championships title. Do not let the score kid you, ladies and gents, it was a quite boring match. I’m sure it was lovely for Serena though. A small family gathering and then she takes home a check of 1 million and 550 thousands dollars. Not too shabby.

With Dinara Safina‘s withdrawal in the Round Robin, Serena will end the year as the number one in the rankings. Well-deserved, I’d say.

Centre Court (from 14.00hrs)

1. Cara Black/Liezel Huber vs. Samantha Stosur/Rennae Stubbs
2. Venus Williams vs. Jelena Jankovic (NB 16:30)
3. Serena Williams vs. Caroline Wozniacki
4. Nuria Llagostera Vives/María José Martínez Sánchez vs. Serena Williams/Venus Williams

A one-legged girl and a player that shouldn’t even be in the semis against a Williams each. Oh, WTA, you never fail to bring the LOLZ into my life.

Today’s Order of Play (starts at 5PM Doha Time)

1. Vera Zvonareva vs. Caroline Wozniacki
2. Serena Williams vs. Elena Dementieva
3. Svetlana Kuznetsova vs. Venus Williams

Bepa Zvonareva will play her first match in the tournament. She’s going in as an alternate for Dinara Safina. Yesterday, Dinara retired at 1-1 against JJ due to back problems. Left the court crying and limping. Quite a heartbreaking thing to watch. I’d say Bepa has been playing well since she came back from her injury butt considering she crashed out 0-6 2-6 to Pironkova in Kremlin Cup’s second round just last week… yeah, I’ll be making no predictions. I don’t know how well an injured, tired Piece of Adorable Danish Sunshine Caro can play either.

The second match could be a possible revenge for Serena, after Lena defeated her in Toronto this year. But knowing Serena, I doubt she even cares. She won the epic Wimbledon semis. I’m sure she has no problems sleeping at night. And Elena seems to have this agreement with the top players that goes like this: “I win the Mickey Mouses tournaments, you win the Slams + YEC.” Awesome. But again… predicting matches… I know how good I am at that. (Not at all.)

The third match…. no, I don’t care. *shrug*

Wednesday’s Order of Play. Begins at 5pm (Doha time):

1. Caroline Wozniacki vs. Victoria Azarenka
2. Dinara Safina vs. Jelena Jankovic
3. Serena Williams vs. Venus Williams

Watch as I do everything in power to get out of class earlier to catch the first match.

BONUS: Completely unrelated to the post but the WTA website posted a very cute video of Serena playing ping pong with Britain’s former number one table tennis player here.

Match 2: Elena Dementieva def. Venus Williams 3-6 7-6(6) 6-2

There is a tennis saying* that says, “It’s no Elena Dementieva match unless there’s drama”. Today, that prophet spoke only the truth. Lena managed to come up from a set and 1-3 0-30 down. Colour me surprised. I was making fun of her Year-End Championships record on Twitter (5-16 before today) and how she wins as many sets there as the YEC as I would if I played. It’s obvious what’s happening here. Lena follows my Twitter and likes to watch me being a fool of myself. I’m sorry, Lena. It was all good fun, I swear. Oh well.

You can watch the match point here:

Match 3: Serena Williams def. Svetlana Kuznetsova 7-6(6) 7-5

Kuzzy was playing good. But then she choked. Twice. End of story.

(Also, her shirt was too small for her body but let’s not talk about that. Please.)

(And Serena‘s dress? Gorgeous. I wants. With the matching headband and wristbands. Please.)

*Author’s note: I made up that saying.

The YEC groups came out out and they are:

MAROON GROUP (aka the “death” group):

• Elena Dementieva
• Serena Williams
• Venus Williams
• Svetlana Kuznetsova

WHITE GROUP (aka “baby!GOATs, #1 and, oh right, JJ qualified” group)

• Victoria Azarenka
• Caroline Wozniacki
• Jelena Jankovic
• Dinara Safina

Play starts tomorrow at 5pm Doha time. Here’s the Order of Play:

I hope everyone’s got their popcorn and playsheets ready!

So she kept the afro.

Where does that leave us? We’re now going to play a game called “Spot The Williams”. Can you recognize which one of these public figures is the former number one player Venus Williams? (click to make the pictures bigger)

A) B) C)

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All the best of luck to you readers!